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My Mod List
I’ve got back into Skyrim again after not feeling like playing for so long… Thought I’d share my mods list, just for fun! It’ll likely keep growing as time goes on and as I collect more mods. Gameplay/Quest Related Khajiit Cat Sprint and Sneak https://www.nexusmods.com/skyrim/mods/22604 I play as a Khajiit and I don’t want my feline avatar sprinting and sneaking like a boring humanoid haha! For those who also want it, watch out as this mod seems to affect all your followers, including non-Khajiiti characters... I died when I saw Serana sprinting like a cat 😆 Archery Gameplay Overhaul https://www.nexusmods.com/skyrim/mods/69033 I didn’t like the animations of vanilla archery (and the enchanted arrows are a sweet bonus) so I’m glad this mod exists. Too bad there’s no Scoped Bow mod that’s compatible with it because my aim stinks… If you're an archery buff, I'll ignorantly assume you'd like this. Dual Wield Parrying https://www.nexusmods.com/skyrim/mods/9247 Being able to block is really important as to not take too much damage and being unable to do so while dual-wielding is so aggravating! This mod more or less fixes that. Not sure how many people want this but here it is if you do. KenMOD - Lockpick Pro - Cheat https://www.nexusmods.com/skyrim/mods/219 I was tired of using up so many lockpicks all at once... Unlock Unique Enchantments https://www.nexusmods.com/skyrim/mods/29059 There’s so many cool enchantments that players aren’t normally able to obtain, the possibilities are endless! I can only imagine what enchantments you'll all use lol Sleep bonus for Werewolves https://www.nexusmods.com/skyrim/mods/66867 It feels a bit like cheating but it’s really not fair that those with Beastblood cannot restfully sleep whatsoever. It’s not like they have nightmares of being a merciless Werebeast every night... and it's not like every Lycan hates Lord Hircine's gift… Surely I'm not the only one irritated at this? Roleplay Related Wintersun - Faiths of Skyrim https://www.nexusmods.com/skyrim/mods/95545 Being able to worship both the All-Maker and Hircine is so awesome! The amount of choices in whom you worship is pretty cool, too. I love that you have the option to worship any Deity regardless of race, thanks to the MCM. Blessed of the All-Maker https://www.nexusmods.com/skyrim/mods/70455 You bet your bottom dollar that I’m gonna have this mod after saying I’m gonna worship the All-Maker! I think I found a mod similar to this for Hircine but I don't remember… Doubt there are many players who worship the All-Maker... PC Head Tracking and Voice Type https://www.nexusmods.com/skyrim/mods/72039 Player Eyes Blink Fix https://www.nexusmods.com/skyrim/mods/44596 I despise the vacant stare and lifeless expressions that the player character has and these two mods in tandem make roleplaying all the more easy for me. My character will ACTUALLY look at Inigo when he speaks! If this stuff bothers you, too, these are the mods for you. Dovahkiin Relaxes Too https://www.nexusmods.com/skyrim/mods/13931 This mod is the pinnacle of roleplaying! What else can I say? I can do almost anything an NPC can do! My favorite is sitting in front of a campfire. If you need to relax, get this mod. Become A Bard https://www.nexusmods.com/skyrim/mods/65636 This mod does what Bethesda didn’t. Plain and simple. Don't ignore it it you are just as spiteful about the uselessness of the Bard's College as I am!!! Camping Kit of the Northern Ranger https://www.nexusmods.com/skyrim/mods/10573 It's great for immersion though I usually just end up coming home to Breezehome and ignoring realism. It's tedious to set up a campsite but I honestly couldn't just leave it alone. I may feel like truly camping when I'm traveling from one spot to another at some point. The two previous mods would make camping a little more interesting, too. If you get this mod as a nature lover, you'll be one happy camper! 😁 I-I'm sorry... PlayeRace Related Racial Body Morphs - Diverse body types and height by Race and Gender https://www.nexusmods.com/skyrim/mods/81201 It always irked me knowing that Bosmer are the same height as Altmer… I’ll just leave it at that. If you care about that part of lore, get this mod. Just, uh… be prepared to awkward look at Altmer torsos if you play as a Bosmer... Nicer-Looking Khajiit https://www.nexusmods.com/skyrim/mods/8934 Back when I was a newbie, I was enticed by the ability to play as a feline before I even played the game but didn’t like how weird they looked (this was when it was still new, I believe)… I got used to it over my time playing but suffice it to say, I’m appreciative of this mod. It’s also nice to know that as an added bonus, Kharjo is now essential 😊 If you want nice-looking Khajiit, look no further! Feminine Khajiit Textures (Grey Cat and Leopard) - Vanilla https://www.nexusmods.com/skyrim/mods/62193 Now my Khajiit looks more like a Snow Leopard and fits right into Skyrim’s climate! The lore for her that I've created deepens! Eh… you'll all probably get the naked versions... Khajiit Eyes Extended https://www.nexusmods.com/skyrim/mods/71478 I have a separate character for my own world that I’ve built who’s also a feline and she has heterochromatic, glowing eyes. This mod allows me to roleplay as her in this manner so yay! If you want your Khajiit to have unique eyes, don't hesitate, get this mod! Khajiit Hair https://www.nexusmods.com/skyrim/mods/67873 I dislike all of the Khajiit hairstyles so this mod was a real lifesaver for me. It doesn't look too different from the vanilla hairstyles but just enough to satisfy me. If I find better ones, I might change my mind. Digitigrade Beast Races Full DLC Edition https://www.nexusmods.com/skyrim/mods/51097 I don’t know what it is but human feet look weird on Khajiit and Argonians, at least to me. I prefer feline feet on my character because it looks appropriate and just right. The below character has them, too! As do all Khajiit! If you care enough to change the feet of the Khajiit and Argonians in your game, help yourself. Followers, Steeds, and Pets Inigo https://www.nexusmods.com/skyrim/mods/40960 I highly, HIGHLY recommend this mod to everyone, even newbies. I could not go back to Skyrim without Inigo. He just makes Skyrim feel more alive. His creator did an outstanding job creating a character that truly feels like your friend and it’s super easy to get attached; hence why I refuse to play Skyrim without him now. The only downfall is that he’s not interested in the player romantically lol but that’s where the next mod comes in handy… Khajiit Will Follow https://www.nexusmods.com/skyrim/mods/72711 I wanted this mod solely to marry a Khajiit because I couldn’t either find the necessary mod to marry Kharjo or couldn’t get it to work - you’ll always be in my heart Kharjo... Of course, being a resident of Whiterun and because of convenience and plot reasons, I went with Bikhai. I frankly haven’t done much with the other three Khajiit yet, heh... I have a feeling I’d prefer Bikhai over the two males, anyway. My heart still belongs to Kharjo and Inigo but Bikhai, having voiced dialogue, calls me his mate and that... that sealed the deal for me lol Kharjo isn’t even scripted to have marriage-related dialogue and I can’t see Inigo saying stuff like that so... it all worked out for the best. I’m glad it did because I almost settled on being unable to bring Derkeethus home as my would-be husband because of the game-breaking bug and would've had to live in a mine Dx I love you Derk, but you borke, boy lol Sinding Werewolf Follower https://www.nexusmods.com/skyrim/mods/73289 I love Sinding and I immediately spared him on my first time doing Ill-Met By Moonlight and have ever since. I was sad that he was scripted to stay put in Bloated Man’s Grotto and only comes out to feed. I mean, in his defense, he DID say he wanted to stay away from people and not hurt anyone but... I’m not kidding when I say this, he always felt like a brother to me so I wished he could leave the Grotto and just come on adventures with me to focus his Werewolf abilities on hostiles instead of feeling like the poor guy had to isolate himself... Seeing this mod really made me happy that I could roleplay the ability for him to choose to fight by my side. Too bad his actual model could only speak in static and that his original voice actor (or a damn good copycat) couldn’t provide for it or for the separate Werewolf model… Does anyone other than me care? Arvak mod https://www.nexusmods.com/skyrim/mods/23966 Such a good horse! I love how Arvak looks and I especially love his boney-sounding clip-clops when he gallops! They’re more satisfying to listen to than the boney sounds Skeletons make, that’s for sure... shudders Anyway, this mod allows Arvak to be summoned and desummoned. No more horrifying dying sounds when he disappears after a time! He also has the choice of either having a flame, frost, or lightning cloak that comes in handy when barreling towards enemies. Only flaw is that when you get off him, he walks away randomly, very annoying... I know there are some Arvak fans out there! Blaze Of Eventide https://www.nexusmods.com/skyrim/mods/25097 This is my other favorite horse; Blaze is a fire horse, he glows but not when sneaking, he leaves cool fiery hoofprints behind him, he deals fire damage, fire can heal him, he can kamikaze enemies in a dramatic fiery explosion… He's so cool. but I gave him to Inigo since I prefer to ride Arvak, now. Such a cool horse! Sabretooth Companion https://www.nexusmods.com/skyrim/mods/9423 Whether as an actual pet or as a distant relative, Sabertooth is my companion because I like the Snowy Sabre Cats. I like to keep him at home most of the time because I am afraid too many followers may crash my game. But it's wonderful to be greeted at the entrance of Breezehome! If you want your own pet Sabre Cat, this is pretty much the only option lol A Simple Mod - Dogs Into Huskies https://www.nexusmods.com/skyrim/mods/55069 I’m not really a fan of how Skyrim’s dogs look but I’m a big Husky fan. Dawnguard Huskies aren't essential or available as pets so I like this better. I mainly had to download this mod so I could own Meeko as a Husky. And now my house has a good boy! Husky fans, make some noise in the comments! Increased Follower Limit https://www.nexusmods.com/skyrim/mods/36132 Without this mod, I wouldn’t be able to roam Skyrim with Bikhai, Inigo, Sinding, Sabertooth and anyone else I feel like bringing along all at once! Although, I usually prefer to keep Bikhai at home because I don’t think he’s marked as essential and he keeps my children company when I am away which gives poor Lydia a break from having to look after them herself as well as my house. Has anyone reached the maximum number of followers with this mod? Weapons, Armors, Clothing, and Accessories Heavy Armory - New Weapons https://www.nexusmods.com/skyrim/mods/21120 This mod is useful for me for two reasons - I have a larger variety of weapons to see when I fight enemies and I can use a Stalhrim Spear to further my roleplaying. Wish it was throwable, though, that'd be awesome! If you're tired of the same-old, same-old, this might be your thing. Unique Uniques https://www.nexusmods.com/skyrim/mods/33292 I’m honestly a little peeved Bethesda didn’t give every unique weapon an unique appearance, that’s so lazy in my opinion… I don't hold it against them but still. This is a popular mod so I already know alot of you have it. Wrath of Potema - Wolfqueens Hunger https://www.nexusmods.com/skyrim/mods/26332 This mod is so seamless with this quest that I genuinely didn’t even know that this was a mod! See, my ex was playing on my Xbox when he downloaded this mod and I guess I just so happened to either beat this quest for the first time ever or in a very long time - I thought this awesome-looking sword was a genuine vanilla quest reward! I obviously didn’t pay much attention to what he downloaded because it’s quite convincingly lore-friendly, I think. Duskfall - A Dawnbreaker Companion Blade https://www.nexusmods.com/skyrim/mods/33176/ I never know what to have in my left hand when wielding Dawnbreaker and when I discovered this, I realized what was missing. Now I wield them both and it’s great because things just feel so complete! I'm like a discount Azura kinda but not really lol The Sword of the Eternal Phoenix - Unique Legendary Sword https://www.nexusmods.com/skyrim/mods/68267 I wanted a fiery weapon to contrast my Snow Leopard and Stalhrim theme and this looked like a cool weapon! Kinda wish I had matching armor and more weapons to go with it to continue the fiery theme... Vindicator - The Holy Greatsword https://www.nexusmods.com/skyrim/mods/67404 It’s a great Knight’s blade and it goes with an armor mod I’ve got... I enchanted this weapon with Chaos Damage and (using Unlock Unique Enchantments) the effect of Dragonbane to fight against the Dovah. Top it all off with Dragonrend and I'm the ultimate Dragon-slaying machine! Halo Gravity Hammer https://www.nexusmods.com/skyrim/mods/10855 This weapon is what made fall in love with warhammers in general but when I found out that there was a mod for this Halo weapon, I had to say goodbye to Volendrung and hello to making enemies fly across the room (which often glitches their health for some reason) with this out-of-place, lore-unfriendly beast of a warhammer. Maybe I should call it Fist of Malacath or something xD Quel'Delar https://www.nexusmods.com/skyrim/mods/68707 I don’t even play WoW, mind you, but when I saw the thumbnail for the mod, I had to have it. I own it solely because it looks cool. Dawnguard and Dragonborn Armored Circlets https://www.nexusmods.com/skyrim/mods/34563 Not only do I want to see my custom hair (and not meshed with helmets) when I am in 3rd person view, I just don’t like any of the helmets in the vanilla game or any of the ones in the DLCS (yes, even the Stalhrim helmets; especially those) but I don’t mind the circlets and since I want the Heavy Armor Perk, this seemed like the obvious choice. Plus it kinda matches my Stalhrim armor. I don't think many folks like Circlets, however... Stalhrim Heavy Shield https://www.nexusmods.com/skyrim/mods/31603 I prefer to wear heavy armor and having a light shield just feels weird… I'm not very silent and swift but that's okay lol Matys Medieval Knights https://www.nexusmods.com/skyrim/mods/18863 I just wanted to wear really cool Knight armor, that simple. I’m fascinated by Knights in general and it just felt weird playing a fantasy game without them in it somehow. Yup, while wearing this and wielding Vindicator, I fight Dragons, enacting the common Knight fighting Dragons trope. Skaal MofuMofu Coat https://www.nexusmods.com/skyrim/mods/97584 My aforementioned worldbuild feline character comes from an Inuit inspired culture I created for her and this mod is perfect to roleplay as a Khajiit who desires to become one with the Skaal. Left Hand Rings Modified https://www.nexusmods.com/skyrim/mods/58491 It’s probably not very lore-friendly but I am very content seeing the wedding ring on the proper hand and finger - yes, that is the entire reason I wanted this mod heheh Player Home Related Breezehome TNF Beds Plus https://www.nexusmods.com/skyrim/mods/54199 Breezehome is a quaint home that deserves some love. I love what this mod adds to it. Even when visiting for a short while, it makes the place feel lived in. The balcony up top is a nice touch, perfect for looking up at the nighttime sky. The best thing is that I can adopt more than two kids! I wish I could adopt all the orphans but eh, whatcha gonna do? Even if you don't adopt, the rest of this mod is worth the trouble. Dominions Adoption Expansion https://www.nexusmods.com/skyrim/mods/27542 I don’t dislike any of the Nord orphans, of course, but I like having variety. Now I can pretend I had four Khajiit children with Bikhai and adopted two Nords! 😂 NPC Related The Paarthurnax Ultimatum https://www.nexusmods.com/skyrim/mods/72215 No, Delphine, I refuse to kill the one ally that LITERALLY helps me as the FREAKING Dragonborn to try to defeat the World-Eater... Stupid broad… Paarthurnax is the one person I want around all the time for guidance, like a father figure! So many like Partysnax so I can only imagine how relieved you guys must feel if you didn't know this mod existed! Durnehviir Resurrected https://www.nexusmods.com/skyrim/mods/72864 What can I say? I love them Dragons! This guy got manipulated and it’s unfair that he is this living, breathing carcass; he deserves love, too! He shouldn't have to look like death just because he's eternally bound to the Soul Cairn… Poor Durny just wants to come back home and be restored… but I doubt he has a following, unlike Paarthurnax. Diverse Dragons Collection 3 https://www.nexusmods.com/skyrim/mods/83559 There’s only so many times I can handle seeing the same dragon models over and over... For as intrusive as these winged beasts are, I need some added variety in my life as Dragonborn. I think this mod gives the Dovah new life; surely the limited number isn’t all that there is to dragon types! I think this is a popular mod, too. More Werewolves https://www.nexusmods.com/skyrim/mods/83565 Diverse Werewolves Collection https://www.nexusmods.com/skyrim/mods/83564 To me, these are companion mods that go together like peanut butter and jelly. Also, really happy that I can modify the Player Werewolf model, too! Visual Mods Improved Stalhrim Weapon Textures https://www.nexusmods.com/skyrim/mods/38039 I love my Stalhrim stuff so I want it to look good. Enhanced Night Skyrim https://www.nexusmods.com/skyrim/mods/85 (2K) Skygazer Moons - Masser and Secunda HD Moons https://www.nexusmods.com/skyrim/mods/54349 Ethereal Auroras https://www.nexusmods.com/skyrim/mods/51869 I am a nyctophile… I adore the nighttime. The night sky is my jam. I cannot stress that enough lol These three mods combined make for some gorgeous stuff. Other A Quality World Map and Solstheim Map - With Roads https://www.nexusmods.com/skyrim/mods/4929 I’ve used this mod for so long that I don’t even remember what the original map looks like - and I don’t want to. I highly recommend this mod. Cartographers Map Markers https://steamcommunity.com/sharedfiles/filedetails/?id=152380&searchtext=cartographers+map+markers I’ve been looking for a mod like this! This mod is so convenient and useful! A Matter of Time - A HUD clock widget https://www.nexusmods.com/skyrim/mods/44091 I love being able to know the time, date, and season without needing to wait or sleep. I don’t have to burn the excess energy to look at my phone or desktop clock to check the real-world time either - I don’t even have to look up at the window to know it’s sunrise and that I should be asleep! Knowing the phases of the moons when indoors or cloudy nights is quite useful for Werewolf roleplay, too. Totally recommend it. Skyrim Radar Mod https://www.nexusmods.com/skyrim/mods/93752 Before Skyrim, I had regularly been playing Halo and so after many years of playing that FPS, I grew kind of accustomed to having a motion tracker. This motion tracker is even better because it tells me more than just that there’s bodies around me but WHAT they are! No more aimlessly walking into trouble, I can be prepared (unless I’m not paying attention to like a dummy)! I don't know who would want this except me though. Wearable Lanterns https://www.nexusmods.com/skyrim/mods/17416 Sure I could use Magelight or a torch but neither are really suitable for sneaking and they both run out anyways - with lanterns, I can turn that function off. Plus, I think it’s neat to have a wearable lantern. Give it a try if you are bored of Magelight and torches. Unread Books Glow https://www.nexusmods.com/skyrim/mods/10012 I was really annoyed that I kept opening skill books only to find out I’ve already read them... If you care about books in any fashion, definitely try this out. Ish's Souls to Perks https://www.nexusmods.com/skyrim/mods/18395 I sincerely hate how you can obtain every Shout there is but continue obtaining the souls of slain Dovah that no longer serve a purpose... It’s annoying and these souls could be wisely spent elsewhere, hence perks points. Mods I Don’t Have Anymore But Still Like Helmets show Khajiit ears https://www.nexusmods.com/skyrim/mods/94264 I used to use this mod when the only helmet I liked was the Dragonbone helmet but now that I prefer the circlets, this is useless. I don’t even give Inigo a helmet because I’m just not a fan of any of them (plus no armor looks right on Inigo anyway). If you like any unmodded helmets but you still want to see your Khajiit’s ears, I recommend this mod. Scoped Bows https://www.nexusmods.com/skyrim/mods/50528 Since this isn’t compatible with the Archery Overhaul, I no longer have a use for it. Was nice while it lasted; definitely recommend to those who want to be an archer in vanilla but can’t due to poor aim. Animated Dragon Wings https://www.nexusmods.com/skyrim/mods/53271 I really loved this mod, even if the wings got in the way of vision or were a bit wonky, animation-wise, sometimes. It was useful for landing safely after a long jump but useless without a hefty flying mod (that I can't install) to go with it... Mods I Like But Can’t Use Dual Sheath Redux https://www.nexusmods.com/skyrim/mods/34155 I really want this mod but I can’t seem to get the necessary files I need for it to work downloaded... It’s a bit depressing. Combat Gameplay Overhaul https://www.nexusmods.com/skyrim/mods/100904 I think this and Archery Overhaul would have onflict of animations I think so I'm better off not trying to figure out how to install it... Jaxonz Renamer https://www.nexusmods.com/skyrim/mods/57335 Alternate Start - Live Another Life https://www.nexusmods.com/skyrim/mods/9557 Open Cities Skyrim https://www.nexusmods.com/skyrim/mods/8058 While I loved being able to rename whatever I wanted, living other lives as different characters, and going into cities without dealing with loading screens, they all made my game crash HARD so I had to sacrifice all three conveniences for stable(ish) gameplay. Moonlight Tales https://www.nexusmods.com/skyrim/mods/35470 Werewolf Loot https://www.nexusmods.com/skyrim/mods/9891 I’d love to have both mods but they gave me serious issues in the past. The first one caused my character to be stuck mid-transformation and was unplayable as a Werewolf, even when I got rid of it. The second made it impossible to interact with anything, even after reverting back to normal. Not sure how y’all enjoy these but needless to say, I’m insanely jealous. If you want ANY of the mods I mentioned, be cautious, you never know how they may affect your systems. So I shared my mods, now share yours and explain why you picked each one (but note that I am picky about my mods)! Convince me as to why I should use your mods! Please no NSFW ones, that ain’t my cup of tea.
Homusubi Analyses All 116 Primaries (AKA the long post), Part 1: Europe and Africa
A few people have gone through all sixty-one voting districts and made their endorsements public, but nobody, so far, has aped the legendary Lacsirax Long Post from the previous season and gone through every vote, even if next week is now primaries-only week. I don't know what possessed me to go through every primary, especially seeing as there are (by my count) one hundred and sixteen of them (yes, there will be over a hundred votes next week), Let me know if I've missed someone and if there's a primary that I haven't realised is happening. It is equally possible that I've identified a primary that actually won't happen, because the rules for what does and doesn't go into a primary are a bit different from last time (plus, there are more civs). So, for example, I already know that Nasser (modern Egypt) isn't going into the ancient Egypt primary despite having the same five-letter civ name, instead progressing directly to the general. I reserve the right to change these endorsements if more evidence comes about, especially in the field of AI tests, but I'll be transparent about it if I do (I'll use strikethroughs and so on on my edits instead of just editing things out that turned out to be wrong). Here goes. DISTRICT 1 ICELAND Our first vote is one with a repeat in it, and as you will soon find out, I'm not that keen on repeats. Ingolfur's Iceland, at least, was one of the more entertaining civs in Mk2, though, and made the very most it could out of a frankly terrible TSL. Therefore, unlike other primaries featuring repeats, I won't judge you if you vote for Ingolfur. Nonetheless, I'll be voting for Kristjan Eldjarn, a civilisation from the Cod Wars (no, not Call of Duty, I mean an actual war over the actual fish) with nicely fishy uniques to match. SCOTLAND The best Scotland mod is Alba under Alexander III, no question about it. Its uniques are pretty good, with plenty of passive production and naval bonuses that sound useful in a Royale, but what's more, it has input from our resident Scottish power ranker Lordie, and also has an absolutely beautiful colour scheme. AI-wise, it performed semi-decently in the Elimi-Nation AI game before getting voted out in favour of Northern Ireland. The only catch is that Alba might not be in the Scotland primary in the first place due to its separate name. In that case, of the two James VI's, I would recommend voting for LastSword's James, as I've seen the JFD one plenty of times in AI games and it has never impressed me. DISTRICT 2 IRELAND Ireland has got far more interesting since the S1 vote, in which there were only two options - contemporaries of each other - and one was disqualified for being in Mk2. We now have four, more diverse, Irelands. I'm not particularly thrilled at the thought of Malachy again or Brian Boru, not least because they didn't actually rule all Ireland even though they claimed to (afaik). Daniel O'Connell is a more interesting choice, an influential politician who never actually ruled Ireland but secured greatly expanded rights for his people, and is also a rather nice shade of blue. However, his AI is pretty lacklustre, which leaves us with Easter Rising hero Michael Collins and his pub UB (not kidding). None of these leaders achieved lasting Irish Unity as some might claim, but either way, I'm voting for Mick. CORNWALL I'm quite fond of Hiram's mods. We started modding at around the same time as each other, after all, and it took ages for either of us to learn Lua. Having said that, I don't think I can back him here. His Cornwall, nice colours notwithstanding, is a fairly awkward mixture of uniques that includes a rather incongruous vanilla Celtic UA. Therefore, I'm going for Senshi's Gwendolen, which includes both a rare female leader and plenty of well-integrated tin mine mechanics. LONDON PRIMARY (UK/BRITAIN/ENGLAND) My current home region and one of four primaries in which I am fielding a mod. No surprises, then, that I am giving my endorsement here to the wonderful Clement Attlee, living proof that sometimes it's best not to have a strong leader so much as a good one. His historical record and general status as an oddball choice for a Royale leader would make for a decent reason to endorse him on its own, but his AI is at least decent and his uniques are more relevant to a Royale setting than their peaceful economic nature may suggest at first - including a way to use all that gold. If for some reason you hate Attlee and would rather have a more Conservative choice here, I recommend Theresa May, who is in every way the Millard Fillmore of the Isles. WALES I am very much struggling to see the difference between the two Waleses, other than slightly more Welsh language used in Glyndwr's unique names than Llywelyn's (which must surely be a good thing). Civ AI Games's archive suggests that Llywelyn has the better AI, though, so I guess I'd go with him. DISTRICT 3 DENMARK The AI record of the Denmarks does not show any mention of a universally strong or weak variant, so let's go with history and all the other factors. I'm not the biggest fan of vanilla civs, so I'd rather not vote for vanilla Harald here despite their nice colours, so I'm going to go with Struensee, mainly because he's (imho) a more interesting historical figure than the other two; a doctor who was able to seize unofficial power in Denmark for a time, rather than 'just another monarch'. NORWAY The mod I've been working on recently has been quite close to Norway and includes quite a few references to it. Over the course of my research, I've encountered both Olaf II and Haakon VII, and I can think of worse leaders than both. Haakon IV, Mk2's Snoreway, is not really an experience I'd like to go back to. Of the other two, though, Olaf II edges it for me, although I'll be honest, most of that is voting for the modder. In this case, Lungora, best known as the creator of the maps on which the Royales are run. SWEDEN Back to politics on this one. Although he does not yet have an AI record that I know of, I'll most likely be voting for Olof Palme here, and hoping that whenever another civ does badly at something, I can do what I normally do and unfavourably compare them to the Swedes. Also, the last time we had a late-20th-century Scandinavian politician leader, it was brilliant. My second and third choices, and my recommendations for an older Sweden, are Karl XII and Birger Jarl, both of whom have excelled themselves in past AI games. DISTRICT 4 PORTUGAL How am I to know which Portugal to vote for? There are eight of 'em, and most of share about three names between them! Five of them have unfavourable comments in the CAG archive, leaving me with a choice of Afonso de Albuquerque, Antonia Salazar, and LS's Maria. The latter is city-state based, Salazar depends on whether you like dictators or not, and Afonso seems like a fun civ but not an easy one for the AI to use... y'know what, stuff this, vote for Firaxis's Maria aka the Mad from Mk2. Because why not. SPAIN Carlos III is the only Spain which has been campaigned for so far, and is also the only one of the earlier Spains not to have a leader which I've already grown bored of from either Civ 5 or Civ 6. However, RanseStoddard's analysis of AI values suggests that it might not be that good, which would leave us with General Franco. Personally, I'd vote for Carlos, but vote for Franco if you will. Just make sure not to vote for any Spain in the general, because #NeverSpain is way too entertaining to abandon now. DISTRICT 5 BELGIUM Leopold II is my choice here, for two reasons. One, because it has had a better AI record than Albert, for a civ which I particularly want to see competitive in the general for the 5th district. Two, because not every mod has the balls to reference Congolese atrocities and chocolate-making in the same set of uniques. You do you, Leo. BRITTANY This might be surprising to some, but I'm voting for Anne here. Although Nominoe is a much more polished mod, I haven't seen them do much AI-wise, and their uniques are very much orientated towards human play. So, Gedemo's sole European mod it is. FLANDERS Flanders memeage doesn't really dictate which Flanders it has to be - after all, the name is the important thing, so I doubt that the primary here will get as much attention as the general. The AI record favours LastSword's Flanders (Robert III) over JFD's Flanders (Rorbrecht III) while saying nothing about Moriboe's Flanders (Filips van de Elzas). I don't feel strongly about this primary at all, and it's worth pointing out that Robert might have the ability to polder one or two gulf water tiles with his UI, but at the end of the day, i'll vote for Filips van de Elzas. Modder diversity, and a mod I remember playing with a very long time ago. FRANCE Mon Dieu, fourteen kinds of France? Luckily, not too long ago there was an AI game which was pretty much nothing but Frances. The winner (spoiler alert, sorry) was Louis XI, who immediately rockets up to near the top of my list. The other standout one for me is Clemenceau, who I like mainly because of the weirdly large amount of First World War-era history I've had to study and thus the soft spot I've developed for leaders from that era. However, that's personal, so I feel more inclined to 'endorse' Louis (and his S-tier UA name, The Universal Spider), even if I might give my own vote to Clemenceau SWITZERLAND How are Switzerland mods supposed to fight each other in a primary? They're supposed to be neutral, aren't they? Either way, I'm backing LastSword's Dufour here, because I've seen JFD's plenty of times and its AI has never impressed. DISTRICT 6 BOHEMIA Vaclav (JFD's Bohemia) has a mixed AI record, but perhaps the most relevant one in a crowded European setting is its Groundhog Day performance, which was... not great. Therefore, I'm voting for Charles IV. His uniques sound fun - they'll either doom him completely or win him the game, admittedly most likely the former. CZECHOSLOVAKIA Didn't we already do th... oh wait, Czechoslovakia. Pretty torn on this one, honestly. Both the Uighur and SabyZ versions have good and bad points on their uniques, and the Uighur one has such a mid-tier AI that I can't even predict whether or not Saby's is better or worse. Uighur's is the only one which conforms to orthodox mod structure (Saby's two uniques are a UB and a UI), but I'll probably vote for SabyZ's Czechoslovakia, purely because I like voting for civs made by CBR fans, and Saby made the previous Czechia. GERMANY I want to endorse Merkel. I badly want to endorse Merkel. The trouble is, her uniques make that very hard to do. Her UA is city-state based, and her UU might actually be a debuff for an AI, as she can only use it properly when she purchases it. Her saving grace is the UB, which provides extra production and culture based on events which are common as muck in a Royale. I'm not really feeling it with Wilhelm, despite his WWI connections, because I can't really look at him and think something other than "worse Bismarck". Moving on to actual Bismarck, although the JFD overhaul gives me a way out of voting vanilla, once again, it's city-state based. So I'm back where I started. I'm going to do it. Vote Angela Merkel. Imagine how fun it'd be if she started ruthlessly conquering like mad. LIECHTENSTEIN This one isn't even close. Johann I (QQQ) is one of those very old mods made by one-shot modders which might or might not work. Johann II (DuskJockey), on the other hand, is a very new mod with a creator still hanging around the place, and more complicated uniques to boot. Its AI record is mixed, but you can't have everything. Except when you're voting for Kakuei's Japan, of course. SAXONY This one's a toughie. On one hand, JFD's Saxony makes tourism actually useful, and has a more Saxon colour scheme. On the other, Firebug's mod makes faith useful, by making cities that look as if, were they given time to build up and get a few faith buildings going, they'd be entertainingly hard to capture. I think I'll vote for JFD's Saxony (Frederick Augustus I), though, as Mitteleuropa is not a forgiving region for late-developing civs, and Frederick Augustus I (aka Augustus the Strong) is the more entertaining historical character. DISTRICT 7 GENOA I'm going for LastSword's Genoa here. Why, you ask? Simple. Stronger crossbowmen which can automatically attack when embarked. What with the pivotal importance of the crossbow in many Civ games, and the embarkation-friendly Western Med, that could be a unique that - shock horror - actually does something. ITALY This comes down to whether you want to vote for Mussolini because Mussolini, or vote for not-Mussolini because not-Mussolini. It's a personal choice and not one I want to go into because I'm pretty sick of this argument (I'm not going to be disappointed if either wins by a landslide). However, I did promise I'd endorse someone in every primary. So, on the basis of a slightly better AI record (although both are mid-tier) in a difficult TSL, Victor Emmanuel III it is. PAPAL STATES Unsurprisingly, all three Papal civs are faith-based. The AI record only mentions one of the three, and so a lot of this comes down to who makes the most use of that faith outside of religion. I'm going with Innocent III, partly because his unique Great Generals make faith a bit more useful in military matters, and partly, of course, because he's the Battle Pope with the decidedly non-turtley AI record. Deus Vult and all that! ROME Whoever I pick here, I'm going to make someone angry. So I'll apologise in advance and say that, one, I know embarrassingly little about most of these leaders, and two, my choice isn't based on history. It's JFD's Julius Caesar. This is partly because they have been known to perform very admirably in AI games, unlike most of the other Romes, and partly because their icon and colour combination are very classic Rome and get me into that S.P.Q.R. state of mind more than most of them do. DISTRICT 8 ATHENS Ugh, both of these have bad AI records. MC's Athens has the classic colour scheme and is the one probably more familiar to long-time watchers. LastSword's, however, has the more intriguing uniques, including an interesting degree of freedom when researching techs and Civ 6-style cities that aren't coastal but can still build naval units. So LastSword's Athens it is. AUSTRIA Austria is one of my favourite vanilla civs, but unfortunately, its star attraction has to do with city-states, which don't exist here. A nifty UU that's one of the few to fall in the Enlightenment Era seals the deal for me, then - JFD's Joseph II it is. It's also yellow and black, for all the history nerds frustrated by the constant use of white and red for Austria in everything despite the precedent. BULGARIA Six Bulgarias? Seriously? And quite a few of them have badass UA names to boot. One of them even seems to be led by a Harry Potter character. I'll follow the lead of colour schemes, very snowbally-sounding UAs, and endorsements from ExplosiveWatermelon, and pick Ferdinand I, but this is not a primary I'm sure about my choices in at all. GREECE I'm not sure whether or not this primary is going to happen, as one civ is vanilla Greece and the other is an early 20th-century modern Greece. If it does come to this, though, despite their moderate AI record and very peaceful unique set, I'll be rooting for Eleftherios Venizelos, purely because a modern and real-life Greek hero makes a nice change sometimes from most of the civs in this region. HUNGARY Another primary in which the AI record becomes king for my decision - my Hungarian friend's favourite leader doesn't have a mod, if I recall correctly - and it's driving me towards Miklos Horthy. The three other Hungaries, which also have less militaristic uniques. The AI record says negative things about three of the civs here, see, and the fourth one is Horthy, who has performed well in Elimi-Nation so far. Another vote for a rather different Mi(c)k to the last one. ROMANIA I don't know that much about the Balkans, OK? Please stop throwing primaries at me. Another AI one, then, I guess. Carol I has been entertaining - sometimes successful, sometimes not, but never sleepy - in AI games in the past, so I'm leaning towards him. But again, don't take my word as gospel here, especially seeing as DJSHenninger's Mihai Viteazul has the wonderful UA name The Eagle, Aurochs, and Seven Hills. That's right up there with One Million Elephants and a White Parasol (that's Laos) for the "Best UA Names Involving Random Animals and Objects" competition. SERBIA Another AI-performance process of elimination jobby here. Stefan Dusan (Discord emoji loyalty) and Peter I Karadjordjevic (WWI character loyalty) are both net positives for a Serbia civ imho, but this is another example of a civ being beset with bad AI records. The exception, with no record whatsoever, is DJSHenninger's Peter, whom I thus reluctantly endorse. THEBES I'm backing LastSword's Thebes here, despite it having the worse colour scheme by some distance. Firebug's uniques, while easier to understand than the competition, are CS-based, and what is more, their performance in Elimi-Nation was decidedly mediocre. WALLACHIA The EU4 fans' favourite and home to Dracula, Wallachia has two leaders and three mods to choose from. None of them have a good AI record, other than the mystery Mircea Wallachia with no record, but you can't not vote for Vlad in Wallachia. So of the two we're left with, I'm going with DJSHenninger's Vlad, with its unusual light-green-on-black colour scheme and steamrolly UA with the potential to make enemies adjacent to the vampire army 25 percent weaker by the end of the game. YUGOSLAVIA I'm voting for Tito here. It's mainly because I find him to be a more interesting figure than yet another Peter, and because the Non-Aligned Movement is criminally underrated. Don't worry too much about the UA being city-state based, as his UU and UB do not mention them. Seriously though, why would you want a Yugoslavia that isn't Tito? DISTRICT 9 LITHUANIA Before I start this write-up, I would like to thank the people of Lithuania for looking at the countries to their south and west, seeing a veritable sea of Peters and Stephens with numbers after their names, and deciding, no, we're giving our monarchs uniquely Lithuanian-sounding names and not repeating them. Anyway, AI. Gediminas's Lithuania seems to have a consistent record of starting out strong but collapsing, so take from that what you will. Vytautas is a unique sort of civ that benefits from having no religions (presumably a reference to Lithuania's unusually long history of paganism) and no city connections. Last but not least is Mindaugas, who doesn't seem to do much with his uniques if he isn't lucky enough to get a religion, so I'm not particularly confident. I think I'll just go with Gediminas. It's the Lithuania we all know and love by now, and at least it tries hard. POLAND Twelve! Twelve Polands! Much of this is thanks to the (elected) monarch of this part of the world, LastSword, who has eight Polands under his belt. I know that a fair few people are taking my lead on Japanese affairs, and, grateful for that as I am, it seems only fair to return the favour for other modders with a clear 'capital' to their mod empire. So that's Pilsudski out, despite his being an interesting and impressive historical figure. It has to be an LS Poland. Put all eight above the rest - this is a joint endorsement. As for which one to put first, there was an AI Game of Polands ages ago, but the winner... um, wasn't a Poland. The only one recorded as being a dominant power is John III Sobiesko, a vaguely sciencey cavalry civ. The other two I would prioritise are Sigismund III, the sole blue Poland, whose laissez-faire management promoting UA gives literally free happiness when it's being played by an AI, and which also gets stronger ranged attacks from cities; and Stephen Bathory, who inherits vanilla Poland's strong UA and has strong-sounding musketman and zoo replacements. DISTRICT 10 FINLAND I loved Top Kek, but especially seeing as I have already endorsed Olof Palme in Sweden, I wonder if it's time to let the other Finland shine. Mannerheim, hero of the Winter War, makes culture useful in war with unique promotions, and also has a sauna as a UB in true Finnish fashion, which automatically heals all your units trained in a Sauna city every turn. Honestly, even writing this has made me more enthusiastic about Finland, Monty Python/Scandinavia and the World references and all. RUSSIA (ST PETERSBURG) Especially if you discount the boring Civ 5/6 leader choices, this primary for me comes down to two choices. Alexander Nevsky can force peace with certain civs by sending three trade routes to them, which could either be very crafty or irritating depending on how the AI uses it. Alternatively, there's Tsar Nicholas II, known to be good with his big carpets and who won a hotly-contested Arctic AI game not too long ago. On balance I'm probably going with Alexander Nevsky, a more historically successful figure and one that makes a nice change from the normal Russias, but feel free to vote for Tsar Nick, especially if you also want a Soviet Russia in the 11th and are anticipating the rematch of the ages. DISTRICT 11 KIEVAN RUS' The famous Kievan Rus' mod, Tomatekh's Yaroslav, has a very mixed AI record and one CS-based unique. The unknown challenger, TarcisioCM's Olga, on the other hand, has a set of nifty uniques based around various kinds of diplomatic deals, and they're more useful in an AI game than that sounds. To be honest, Olga sounds like a better AI bet, but I'm an old modder, and we look out for our own. Yaroslav was one of Tomatekh's first mods at a time when Lua modding was in its infancy, and I'll be voting for it so we can be reminded - in the words of Emperor Meiji from The Last Samurai - who we are and where we come from. USSR Lenin or Stalin? It's up there with "Mario or Luigi?", "gif or jif?", and "one horse-sized duck or twenty duck-sized horses?". It's a question that's echoed down the ages anywhere with a decent enough communist presence - I say 'decent' because every proper town has one - and now it has come to CBR. However, the historical version of this question is a much deeper one than the CBR version, as the latter essentially boils down to whether or not you want a repeat of Mk2's USSR, which was Stalin. I don't, particularly; I'd be perfectly happy with more Soviets, but that can be achieved without the full repeat. I'm voting for a combustible Lenin that burns life's house down. DISTRICT 13 BYZANTIUM I said STOP THROWING PRIMARIES AT ME, BALKANS. Weren't you listening? And this one's Rome all over again. The Lacs Long Post from last time recommends DJSHenninger's Basil II, but the AI record seems to lean more towards JFD's Justinian I. There's also DJSHenninger's Justinian I, not just there to make the last two choices more confusing, but also there because its background is shocking pink, which in my humble opinion is a reason to choose it in itself. Ultimately, though, I'm picking another mod. Although I do like voting for modders in their strongholds, and this is DJSHenninger's, this time I'm going for EnigmaConundrum's Basil II, as this is the more likely of the two of (CBR fan) EnigmaConundrum's mods to qualify. The other one, after all, is an America. HITTITES These Middle Eastern regions are irritating for me, because I know that the region has a shitload of history, but I am equally aware that I don't know much of it at all beyond modern times. The Hittites are a prime example of this. I know that they lived near and interacted with ancient Greeks and Egyptians, and that they left behind a decent amount of archaeology, and that's... it, really. So if you know who Suppiluliuma I or Mursili II are and think one's cooler than the other, vote for them. As for me, if I even vote at all in this primary, I'll vote Suppiluliuma I, because Mursili crashed and burned in Elimi-Nation. ISRAEL Two Israels, hmm, I'll definitely go for... oh phew, they're both the Biblical sort of Israel. David was the one we had in Mk2, and although he'd be welcome to come back, I wonder if Solomon might be worth a look-in here. If you want more Israeli scouts, Mk2-style, then David is the one to pick, and besides it's quite a nice civ to look at imho. I might go Solomon, though, for his better AI record and not-repeat-ness. JERUSALEM Neither has that good an AI record, so I'm going on uniques, not least because even the names of these two are the same but for one having a larger Roman numeral suffix. Baldwin III it is. Its uniques, with their talk of unique 'crusading orders', are reminiscent of a LastSword civ, odd seeing as the LastSword Jerusalem is the other one. Anyway, although Baldwin IV has a lovely white and gold colour scheme, its uniques don't really come into play when there aren't any holy cities nearby (so 95% of the time), so I'm going for the more versatile MC option. LYDIA The two Lydias don't have much between them. Neither has an AI record, and all three uniques reference the same things, although the CurlySnail version has more interesting specific effects for the bonuses. It's down to modders, then, and although ryanjames deserves credit for being the creator of the Manx, I'm going for CurlySnail's Lydia, not least because it's clear from the campaigning that he cares about getting his civs in. OTTOMANS I feel like I'm going through Death by Mediterranean Primary right now, and the Ottos, with their seven civs to choose from - even after JFD's Mehmed was removed for being an immediate repeat - aren't helping one bit. Being judgemental about AI history eliminates Mehmed V, Mahmud II, and vanilla, but we're still left with four. I'll pick Mehmed II (note, do not confuse with Mahmud II) by LastSword, which at least looks like a strong scientific pick, gaining science when building a military and featuring a semi-liberalised observatory UB. PHOENICIA We've reached the Land of Purple, however much these interminable Med primaries are reminding me that Pokemon teaches us that purple means poison. Nonetheless, I'm immediately biased against LastSword's Pygmalion due to lack of violet. That leaves us with the two Hirams, neither of which was made by his modder namesake. Sukritact's Phoenicia underperformed in Elimi-Nation, but has a decent AI record in general, and was responsible for a brief if entertaining game of cat and mouse before their demise in the aforementioned game. I'm still going with the apparently "militaristic" AI of MayorS's Hiram, though, albeit partly because their colour scheme is double purple. Well, pink on purple. Close enough. UMAYYADS Last one in the 13th! This one is fairly close, both of them have mid-tier AI and pleasant enough colour schemes. The uniques, too, aren't too far off from one another in quality, but I'm giving the edge to DJSHenninger's Al-Walid I, which can make faith output actually useful by passively spawning military units based on said statistic. Put this in the "I don't know really" pile, though. Al-Malik's looks quite fun to play as, at least. DISTRICT 14 GEORGIA I don't want Georgia. Like, seriously, I don't want Georgia. Tamar fans feel so entitled sometimes, especially when the competition in this famously diverse part of the world is so fierce. Abkhazia! The Khazar Khaganate! There are so many better options! Therefore, I'm backing David IV in the primary, mainly to reduce the chances of Georgia winning the general. I encourage anyone else who wants a non-Georgia civ in this district to do the same. DISTRICT 15 AYYUBIDS This is another one where I need to search a bit to find excuses to back one civ over another, given that the repeat/not-repeat question is going to loom more over this primary than the actual relative merits of the two Ayyubid civs. Neither has a good AI record. The MC one, which is the one from Mk2, has the nicer colour scheme by some distance (imho), but its uniques are a bit more situational and a bit more dependent on the religion game. Therefore - and this is very much a tentative thing, I know 95% of people will ignore this one way or the other, which sounds OK to me - this is one of the rare times I'll back a repeat, of a civ that we didn't see much of at all in Mk2 at the end of the day. MC's Saladin it is. EGYPT (ANCIENT) Ancient Egypt has perhaps the highest "total history:history Homu knows" ratio of any primary in the game. It sounds fascinating, but I still haven't got around to actually learning much about the details yet, especially seeing as there's so much of it. Like, thousands of years. Anyway, I'm deferring to someone who knows better here - in this case, our friendly neighbourhood modding expert, TopHatPaladin - and backing Thutmose, with Djoser a good second. HOWEVER, I know of one effort underway to do a much more comprehensive analysis of this primary, so I might hold back on full-throated endorsements just yet. EGYPT (PTOLEMAIC) I'm going with Cleopatra here, because if we're going Ptolemaic, we might as well go the whole way. Yes, she probably doesn't deserve the amount of attention history has given her, but on the other hand, it's good to have a few familiar faces, and I find Cleo less boring than, say, Peter I. Probably because of the RNG biasing towards Russia the few times I played Civ 6. If you want to vote Ptolemy, I'm not going to try and persuade you otherwise. DISTRICT 16 CARTHAGE Seriously, I had to google which Carthage it was that was in Mk2. Turns out it was Hannibal, and I don't feel as warmly towards a Hannibal repeat as I would for Saladin or David. So we're down to Didos. So, for once, I'm going vanilla. I'm endorsing Firaxis Dido, because JFD's edited UA, despite being further away from Hannibal than the vanilla one is, seems distinctly unfun with its gobbling up sea tiles in a crowded area. DISTRICT 18 ASHANTI Another repeat vs not-repeat primary, and the third one of the many primaries of this category in which I'm endorsing the repeat. Although my top choice in this region is not either Ashanti (Sankara! Sankara! Sankaraaaaaaa!), I can't help but smile if I consider a return of the civ's legendary Pikeman, this time in disembarked form. Vote MC's Osei Tutu for old school gold stool cool. DISTRICT 19 KANEM BORNU A lower-mid tier AI and general feeling that Gedemo is underappreciated won't stop me in this case from going with DMS/MC's Idris Alauma in this humdrum primary. It has a slightly-below-average AI record, but it is one with one breakout included, and although its uniques feel rather unpredictable, that's a good thing, surely? NOK Again, sorry Gedemo, but I'm going with Ultra's Nok here. I don't know much about the culture, but that's not the point here. Nok is a legend in the modding community, a mod that took so long to come out it became a meme, and then... it actually got released. Let's celebrate that and get it through the primary, shall we? (Not my top choice in the general, but still.) Also, snakes. NRI The bombshell here is JFD's Nri UA: civs being unable to declare war on them before the Industrial Era if they share "their" religion. While it's unclear whether that means they have to have founded it or not, that would seriously change the course of the Africa game, especially seeing as they are apparently unlikely to declare wars on their own. Moriboe's doesn't seem militaristic either, despite its UA that sucks population from other civs (again, only in "pre-modern" times), and I feel like taking a bit of a punt on an unusual Africa. JFD's Nri it is. DISTRICT 21 ETHIOPIA If Ethiopia has two carbon atoms in it, what's the rest of it made from? ...Chemistry gags aside, there are five Ethiopias, courtesy of DMS, for whom Addis Ababa appears to be something of a centre of power. Of course, I'm immediately going to rule out the vanilla version, which is also a repeat. Likewise, I don't feel enthusiastic about Menelik II, who inherited the vanilla uniques in the DMS split. DMS's Haile might be worth a look with its updated uniques - including the Makonnen triplane, which I keep misreading as Harkonnen triplane - but I think I'm going with Zara Yaqob. She's another female leader, with defensive-religious hybrid uniques that sound like they could be as awkward for would-be invaders as Gudit's were against Zimbabwe. Oh, and if you like Indira Gandhi's colour scheme, Zara isn't too far off. SOMALIA I'm leaning towards TopHat's Mohammed Siad Barre in Africa's last primary. To be honest, I don't quite understand some of the uniques of the other Somalia, and although that hasn't stopped me in the past, loyalty to a modder who's helped me out on countless occasions must play a part here, along with an intriguing mixture of naval military, trade, and unique writers, and a rather nice blue colour scheme.
Martin’s exhale sent a burst of frosty breath across the gift shop. “We’ve got to find some other way to save this place. We can’t keep relying on someone to stop in and buy a couple of postcards. It’s embarrassing having to tell people to keep their coats on during the tour because we can’t afford to heat the house completely.” Tugging on a pair of gloves, Lydia said, “What are you suggesting? The historical society has a limited budget. Grant money doesn’t cover utilities.” “I’ve been thinking….” “That’s dangerous.” “Hear me out. What if we could get someone famous to move in here?” “Who? A politician?” “No, I think it should be someone royal. You know, like a king.” “Field of Dreams is back on Netflix, isn’t it?” “Just listen. We have a huge house here that needs a lot of upkeep. If we could just get a royal to live here and pay for a few improvements, the place would be saved. They could host some ceremonies—maybe preside over the rocking chair festival, kiss babies for a couple of bucks, or lay hands on the—” “You’re getting way ahead of yourself. The world’s not exactly drowning in royals.” “I don’t mean a current one. We need a royal in exile. Somebody looking for a change of scenery after getting deposed. We probably won’t be able to call them king or queen—don’t want to get the feds involved, but I bet we could find someone who’d settle for being a duke or duchess if it came to that. Look right here.” “That computer’s not for personal use.” “Roberta’s on vacation, and I’m just a volunteer. Come look at this. The Duke of Bavaria. How about him? If you call right now, we should be able to catch him during business hours. Go ahead, Lyd. What have you got to lose?” “Why do I have to call?” “You know German, don’t you?” “Some. It’s been a long time.” Lydia stared at the phone for a while. “Okay, fine.” She grabbed it and dialed the number. “It’s ringing,” she whispered. “Hello? Is this the Duke of Bavaria? May I speak with him?” Martin leaned on the counter, listening to the international chatter. “No? Well, I’d like to offer him a mansion in the United States if he’d be willing to live here and be duke of our town. It’s a lovely house. He can bring as many horses as he’d like. The Duke already has a house? I see. How many square feet is it? I mean meters. Our mansion might be an upgrade for him. Really? That must be a difficult palace to heat! No, we can’t beat that. Where did you say his residence is? Munich? I see. Yes, I imagine Munich is lovely this time of year. Lots of culture to soak in. No, I’ve never been. I’ll try to make it sometime. Yes, goodbye.” She hung up the phone gently. “So? When’s he coming?” Martin asked. “He’s not. Let’s get Mrs. Andino in here to call one of the Greeks.”
TESRC Book #4: Cats of Skyrim (Saya the Crossbreed, Week 4, Late Edition)
Quick foreword from author: I apologize for my absence. Due to my state of health I am a little behind schedule with these, so I spent the past week gathering material for Weeks 4-6. They should all be out by the end of this week. For now, though, please enjoy the word wall. Pun maliciously intended. ---------------------- Sundas, the 7th of Heartfire, 4E201 I’m honestly not sure how I still have the mental energy to write this. The past few days have been… hectic, at the very least. Ever since I woke up back in the boat in front of the castle, I did my darndest to get away from that wretched place as swiftly as I possibly could. I have to level with the person reading this – even if you find this journal on the corpse in some vampire lair, I don’t actually have anything against vampires themselves. They are still people, just those that chose a more… unorthodox means to an end. A method that may be frowned upon. Some, for immortality. Others, for power. I do not judge them, no. But that man, Harkon, he… That was no vampire. That was an abomination. A monster made by putting one’s faith into a monster of even greater power. I may not be cut out to be a vampire hunter. I may not be the hero that this freezing land needs, but that… thing. It must not be allowed to live. I was still in a bit of a haze when I was returning from the shore, trying to find my way to Solitude for some proper rest in a place with temperatures that were, preferably, at least above freezing. That haze was quickly swept… or, rather, shouted away by the sound of a dragon’s roar. Or, well, the roars of dragons. Plural. Apparently whatever gods are in charge of this bloody planet decided I didn’t have a bad enough day yet, so when I looked up my eyes saw only the silhouettes of three dragons flying from behind a mountain. Yes, THREE of them. From what I could see, they appeared to have a leader – two of them had green, relatively fresh-looking scales. I remember seeing some of Delphine’s records on the existing dragon sub-species, and those were apparently dubbed “Blood Dragons”. Why that is, I do not know, because their blood is still very much red and their scales are still very much green, but I digress. In between the two, there appeared to be a specimen which was an “Elder Dragon”, easily recognized by their golden scales and sharp green eyes. All three of them appeared to be fire-breathers, as well. Using the nearby rock to my advantage, I hid behind it. Obviously, I could not have even hoped to take on 3 dragons at once, so separating attention was my best bet. Thankfully, it worked more than well – the Elder and one of the Bloods flew off to the nearest mountain, harassing the wildlife in search of me, while the other Blood was distracted by the Thalmor soldiers shooting at it from their fortress. Northwatch, I think. Couldn’t care less, honestly. Point is, thanks to my Crossbow I dealt with it relatively quickly. I didn’t really pay attention to its corpse burning away either, the soul absorbing thing was just kind of… casual, I guess? I don’t know how to describe it, it just didn’t have the same… foreign feeling anymore. Heh, sounds kinda weird when I think it – I got accustomed to killing dragons, of all things. Mom wouldn’t believe me if she heard. In any case, I took only about ten minutes to follow the other two. Thanks to my map, I saw that there were ruins called Volskygge nearby, so I lured them there with some immense help from my Become Ethereal shout (apparently, the word Feim was the first word in that one. Pretty good name, I think). I let my crossbow do most of the work, using the ruins to hide from the streams of fire the bastards were spewing at me, and eventually both of them went down without too much trouble. The next few hours of my life I spent on traveling to Solitude. It was quite a breathtaking place to begin with, but even more so up close. It really felt… ancient. I was feeling like a giddy little girl while walking up to the front gates. Near said gates, I actually encountered a caravan of khajiits. Or is it khajiiti? Was it capitalized…? Err, point is, I bought a few soul gems from them. I was getting into enchanting quite intensely recently, especially after my discovery of a rather bizarre enchantment that multiplied the weapon’s destructive capabilities if the target was wearing armor. For instance, when I cut a bandit which was not wearing any armor with the enchanted blade, the sword only really seemed to embed itself in his collarbone, maybe shattering it. Another bandit in the same camp, though, who was wearing a steel chestplate, had a much worse time – the sword appeared to cut through the armor like butter, getting stuck only about two or three ribs in. Gruesome details aside, enchanting was very useful for me, so after spending a few thousand septims I went on my merry way. Or, well, not as merry. Apparently I arrived just in time to see a man named Roggvir get executed for letting Ulfric Stormcloak escape Solitude after he “assassinated” the High King. Looking at things like these… I’m beginning to think that Imperials calling Stormcloaks savages is like a pot calling the kettle black. They’re really not that much better. Thankfully, at around the same point my exhaustion started really kicking in, so I paid 10 septims for a room at the Winking Skeever, the local inn, and passed out in a matter of seconds after my head came in contact with the soft pillow. Morndas, the 8th of Heartfire, 4E201 Ah, home sweet Breezehome. I’m writing this from Whiterun, this day was honestly much less of a pain than the other. It all started off back in Solitude, where I decided to rid myself of a few hides and ingots I’ve been carrying around by turning them into something useful – this time, “something useful” turned out to be a new set of armor. I was replicating the armor I’ve seen a few Bosmer travelers wear in Morrowind back in the day, which looked like it could take a hit while still letting the person move rather freely. Plus, it looks sick. Anyways, after hearing the guards talk about it for the umpteenth time, I have decided that it was finally time for me to go and check out the damned Fort Dawnguard. Wish they’d all just go join up and stop blabbering about it. On my way out through the stables I decided that I might as well buy another horse. Allie did her part well… I hoped Ivo would last longer and do just as well. (Note: the name is because of the ivory color of his mane. Such a pretty one) While passing through Dragonsbridge, (which is an absolutely breathtaking place, might I add) I ran into a small problem. Or, rather, a cat-sized problem. A sabercat, to be specific. While it didn’t prove to be much of an issue, I was forced to exercise my Healing Hands spell a bit, which I haven’t used since I was a kid. The furry bastard did manage to leave quite a gash on Ivo’s leg, so he started limping not two hours after he was bought… I was torn between thinking if it was a waste to buy him or if I should feel bad for the poor animal. In any case, as per tradition, I decided to tear out the teeth and skin the sabercat. As I found out later, powdered sabercat teeth actually work quite well as a base for a stamina potion. Never know when that might come in handy. Moving on, my traveling route at some point carried me through the northern part of the Reach, specifically a Forsworn outpost which was known as the Robber’s Gorge. Regrettably, Ivo’s leg soon reminded him of its existence, and he couldn’t run fast enough to not get hit by one of the arrows sent by the leader of the savages. It didn’t take long to dispatch them, but the loss of another horse was still rather regrettable. If only they didn’t die that easily. Closer to midday, I made a pit-stop at Rorikstead. It was a rather small village, and it felt quite… peaceful. I enjoyed the atmosphere there, but couldn’t help but notice a small road leading uphill from the village. As it turns out, it was a dragon burial site. I’ll have to be careful in case the black dragon decides to pay a visit. After a short break for lunch, I set out directly west, headed towards Whiterun. On my way, I happened to come across a place I’ve heard about from Ysolda – Sleeping Tree Camp. It was a rather unremarkable campsite of two giants, if only it weren’t for the glowing purple tree in the middle of a blue “lake”, if it could be called that. Then, I just so happened to remember I still had a few soul gems to fill… Three mammoth corpses and two dead giants later, I’ve finally arrived back home. I’ll be honest, I never thought I’d be happy to see Lydia again, but I was. After dropping off some materials back at Breezehome, I paid a visit to Belethor’s little scam shop and sold him all the useless expensive trinkets I’ve found on my travels, only keeping the gems for myself in case I wanted to make some jewelry. Lastly, I decided that it was time to finally give myself some peace of mind and make use of the sabercat’s hide – I did have to get SOME revenge on the little ball-licker that caused by horse’s death, right? And that I did. As it turns out, the leather made from sabercats is rather strong, so it made for a nice matching hood for my new set of armor. I still have some improvements left to do and enchantments to place on it, but I think that’s a job for tomorrow. For now? Sleep. Tirdas, the 9th of Heartfire, 4E201 To be honest, I’m still unsure myself what made me have the sudden impulse to visit High Hrothgar, but I did just that. While on my way to Riften, I passed through Ivarstead because I realized I forgot to pack some food for the road, and something about the mountain just seemed so… tranquil. And so, after packing up, I climbed the 7000 steps again. Arngeir looked rather happy to see me again, and I couldn’t help but return the sentiment. With the dragons growing bold enough to seek me out and attack me openly, I asked him if there was anything I could do to strengthen myself other than conventional training. He responded only with the word “meditation”, and has led me to an altar that stood in front of the doors leading to the Courtyard. And so, I meditated. I thought it would be difficult, at first, but the sheer serenity of High Hrothgar, its detachment from the conflicts of the lower world did wonders. I thought back to the three dragons from before. Two younglings and one elder to lead the pack. I searched for whatever knowledge the three could have left behind with their souls… “Wait. Souls.” – as soon as I thought that, it hit me from nowhere. Souls were the essence of every living being that we use for our enchantments. But a dragon’s soul was not something that could be captured, it’s life essence was not something that could be contained in a mere soul gem. It could only be held within a living being akin to itself – a dragon, or a Dragonborn. Then… what about regular souls? What were the limits to their vessels? And then, I found it. The trick to manipulating a soul in a special way. I needed only a bit of training. My enchantments were still too weak, too wasteful. They still required recharging too often, and their effects were often near-unnoticable unless I enchanted multiple items with the same effects. But when I reached the needed level… then maybe, just maybe… I could try enchanting a single item with multiple souls. Middas, the 10th of Heartfire, 4E201 I set out from Ivarstead today at sunrise, just getting to the fort by the time the sun was setting. I was out of food, too, but thankfully I came across a caravan on the road. Call me paranoid, but I really, REALLY don’t trust Riften’s reputation enough to eat the stuff they serve there. Especially considering the fact that as soon as I left the damn place, I almost got my head lobbed off by an assassin. It was a khajiit woman, and she had two swords – judging by the color, made from orichalcum, but the style of the blade was less of an orcish sword, and more so a redguard-style scimitar. Can’t say it wasn’t a good design – took more than just a few healing spells to heal up my wounds after that run-in. And apparently, the assassin was sent by someone who REALLY didn’t like me, because the black armor she was wearing was a telltale sign of the Dark Brotherhood – along with the handprint on the back of the belt. Honestly, I wasn’t really sure I could even fight her off if it wasn’t for that orc (whose name, as I later learned, was Durak) sending a crossbow bolt right into her neck. Then, it wasn’t even a matter of finishing her off, because when I was about to ask her who ordered my head she only scoffed and unplugged a small vial, drinking its contents. By the time I realized what was happening, she had already poisoned herself. As fucked up as they are, I have to give them credit – the Dark Brotherhood assassins are dedicated to their work. Durak showed me around and gave me some tips on using the crossbow – I gotta say, if he wasn’t so imposing, he could’ve made a pretty good teacher. Although I guess imposing appearance can be a good thing for a teacher, too… Isran scolded me a bit for letting Serana go, but hearing the rest of my story calmed him down a bit. I didn’t know if we’d get along, but I’m happy to hear that we can agree at least on something – if I attacked Harkon, I wouldn’t have gotten out alive. After I told him about the Elder Scroll, he seemed to think for a little while before telling me to rest and then giving me the location of two people I needed to find and recruit – Sorine Jurard and Gunmar. Apparently, the latter was last seen around Ivarstead. Guess I’ll go check it out tomorrow. Turdas, the 11th of Heartfire, 4E201 Alright, so remember how I once said that Ivarstead was a small, peaceful place? Looks like the dragons agreed and decided it needed some thrashing. Or, well, at least two of them did. The ones that decided to ambush me right as I arrived. It was a Blood and an Elder. They didn’t take too long to kill, but the Blood turned out to be the problematic one – he was the frost-breathing kind. I really wish there was a way to differentiate them more easily, my arm still hurts like hell from the frostbite. The end result was same as always, though: now Ivarstead had two dragon skeletons to utilize for… whatever they might need them for. I took a few bones and scales, as always, but otherwise left them untouched. Using the aforementioned skeletons and the fact that the vampires have an Elder Scroll as my main two arguments, Gunmar only needed a little coaxing before he agreed to come to the fort. Looking at my map, it turned out that I had two options: either go back to Whiterun, take a carriage to Markarth, and then go find Sorine, OR I could go straight for Sorine through Rorikstead. After checking my journal, I remembered having a note about a dwemer ruin called Arkngthamz (bleh, what a tongue twister), so I picked the former option. I didn’t even bother entering the city when I arrived to the Markarth stables, instead having a quick pit-stop at Dushnik-Yal to buy some potions to help me with fire and frost. You’d be surprised how common these are now that dragons are recognized as an actual threat to everyone’s well-being. Arkngthamz turned out to be a bit more than I expected, however. Just a few steps in, I was met with a ghostly voice telling me to leave. So much for a friendly greeting, am I right? Well, soon enough I happened to find the owner of that voice – or rather, her corpse and ghost. It was a woman named Katria, and apparently – she was the actual person behind the research which is discussed in the book “Aetherium Wars”, and the author of the book was allegedly her apprentice who stole her work. Ain’t that just a son of a bitch, huh? Well, about an hour of exploring and a hundred or so pounds of dwarven metal in my backpack, I discovered a shiny blue piece of something that I can only describe as a crystalline metal. It shined like a gem, and was actually just a tad transparent under certain angles, but otherwise it appeared to be a metal, and according to Katria – it could be forged in a special dwemer underground forge. As it turns out, I already have found one other piece of this “aetherium” out on my travels, somewhere around Riften if memory serves. According to Katria’s journal, there are two more. I’ll need to keep an eye out for dwemer ruins in the regions she listed, I guess. For now, though, I’m gonna have dinner back at Markarth and go to sleep. I don’t know my housecarl all too well, but he appears to be loyal enough to make my house feel safe. I hope I’m not wrong. I think I will refrain from undressing just in case. Fredas, the 12th of Heartfire, 4E201 I skipped breakfast today. Honestly don’t know why, I just woke up with a feeling in my gut that felt like I’d rather not put anything into my mouth unless I want it coming out the same way in a few hours. When I headed off to find Sorine, the location Isran has given me just so happened to align with a place I’ve already been to – Dragontooth Crater. As one can guess by the name, it used to be inhabited by a dragon I killed about a week or two ago, so I decided to check if any of its less picky brethren decided to take the lair for itself. As it turns out – that’s exactly what happened. There was one dragon there, and he was a young one – and a basic one at that. He was a frost-breather though, which could’ve caused trouble if it weren’t for his soft scales, which made dispatching him quite easy. In fact, he tried to fly away and escape, but that’s where my crossbow came in to play and shot it out like a bird. A very big, scaly, dangerous, and thought-to-be-immortal bird born directly from the god of time, but a bird nonetheless. Actually, the metaphor’s falling apart a bit there. I suppose I should stop. In any case, Sorine happened to be quite close to that, digging up something dwemer-related in the coast of a nearby water stream. A small discussion of dwemer ruins, mudcrabs, and dwarven weaponry later, she agreed to join after I gave her a few of my gyros that I came across in Arkngthamz. She appeared to be rather interested in improving the crossbow design I was using to a dwemer-made one, which had some mechanical advantages on top of simply launching bolts at higher velocity. We travelled back on a carriage from Markarth to Riften, and she appeared to be a rather interesting conversation partner. When I started talking about dragons, she looked very interested in the properties of their bones and scales, about which I knew a lot from personal experience. I even lent her some for research purposes. Who knows, maybe she’ll come up with something useful to spend them on. Gods know I have enough to reconstruct a full dragon on my own if I were to find a skull somewhere. Isran met us with a shiny floor which was some kind of spell to test if we were vampires or not. Seemed to be similar to the Sunlight Flare I’ve been using, which proved to be quite effective. If the effects are the same, then I’d imagine any vampire stepping onto the floor while the spell was active would be like sizzling a piece of meat on a red hot pan in a matter of seconds. …what do vampires even taste like? …no, no. Nonono, stop thinking about it. I still need to get rid of this fucking ring. Anyways, Isran appeared to be rather displeased and told me to go up to the second floor. At first I was confused, then I saw Serana. Now I was VERY confused. Then, I saw that she had the Elder Scroll. I was no longer sure if I should be confused or just stop giving a damn. But to be truthful… it took some nerve to go to the fort for her, considering she’s Harkon’s daughter. I couldn’t help but feel flattered when Serana said that it was because she hoped that I, of all people, would be able to help her. Once I mentioned the Elder Scroll, she said that she stole it and brought it here because she knew that if her father wanted it, then the prophecy he wanted to fulfill was likely written in this exact scroll, so we needed to read it to find out how to prevent him from achieving his goal. For that, we needed to find a Moth Priest. I have heard of them before – they’re monks from the White Gold Tower in Cyrodiil who study the Elder Scrolls, their effects, and have a way of reading them. For now, I just took a carriage back to Whiterun and am about to go to sleep again. The whole dragon ambushes thing is really tiring me out. Loredas, the 13th of Heartfire, 4E201 Don’t tell Serana I said this, but she almost looks like a little kid when she’s sleeping. That aside, my morning started with asking Hulda if any peculiar-looking travelers have passed by recently. She responded that none have stopped at the inn to her knowledge, so instead I asked Bjorlam, the carriage driver, the same question. With his pockets a few hundred septims heavier, I was told that an old man in grey robes was looking for a carriage to Dragonsbridge, but Bjorlam didn’t take him there because it wasn’t one of his stops. One trip to Solitude, and then to Dragonsbridge, later, and one of the guards tells me that the priest was last seen traveling south with some escort. The escort I have found dead about fifteen minutes of walking away from Dragonsbridge. The priest, who was named Dexion, I have found in a more… peculiar location close by. A cave, to be precise. The vampires there appeared to set up some kind of barrier to hold the Moth Priest inside while their leader, apparently named Malkus, was attempting to use a spell to turn the man into his thrall - likely, to help Harkon read an Elder Scroll, should they find any, or to prevent US from reading the one we already have. After killing the vampires and sending the old man back to fort Dawnguard, I decided that it was time to tie up a few loose ends and went back to Markarth, and from there – to Nchuad-Zel. My notes said that Calcelmo asked me to kill a certain frostbite spider somewhere inside, and that Sorine mentioned that it was the estimated location of the crossbow schematics she was looking for to upgrade the Dawnguard’s equipment, so I arrived there by sunset and delved straight in. There isn’t much to say about it other than the fact that both the spider and the ruins turned out to be much larger than I anticipated. I even found some interesting stuff in the armory – in particular, a pair of boots that appeared to be made from ebony, dragon bones and scales. The scales were used as a replacement for leather, the dragon bones provided the main protection, and the ebony was more of a binding material for keeping the bone plates together. I have to say, this was some clever craft. I’ll be keeping those for later use. At the end of the day, I received my payment from Calcelmo and used some of the money to return to Riften, renting a room at the local inn. I’m tired as all Oblivion, and the worst thing is – I feel like this is just the beginning. Someone, please pray for me. I would do it myself but my throat is sore from all the shouting.
TESRC 8 Dunmer of Skyrim - Eilonwy's Eighth Letter Home
26 Hearthfire Fredas Breezehome Whiterun, Whiterun Hold Dearest Mother and Father Well as you can see I have a new address as of yesterday. Don’t worry about any letters sent to Lakeview Manor. I’ll ask Rayya to forward any she receives. I took your advice about taking Grosnach somewhere with other people and children for him to interact with, instead of keeping him in the middle of the wilderness. In fact I also adopted another child, although I decided to do that prior to receiving your letter. Her name is Sofie, another Nord but brunette. She’s sweet but rather clingy which I suspect is because she is terrified of being orphaned again. Her mother seems to have been gone a while, and she assumes her father is dead as well simply because he was a Stormcloak soldier who left and never came back but I have my doubts. It seems impossible to me a loving father with a dangerous job would leave his dependent child with no provision for her future care. I won’t be discussing them with her unless you think it is a good idea though. It seems a bad idea to add further stresses to an eight year old child already in a fragile mental state. She’s fallen deeply in love with Meeko, so I’m leaving him with her from now on. Honestly, it might be for the best. It’s hard to sneak up on people when your dog races past you to bite them. I met Sofie in Windhelm. I headed there after one of my enquiries came back with a possibility from a second hand Dunmer merchant named Revyn Sadri. Prior to Grosnach I’d have walked while picking flowers to turn into potions but now I have a child in my household I need to make my trips as quickly as possible to minimise time spent away. So I rode Allie. The horse is as bloodthirsty as ever. On the trip to Windhelm from Lakeview Manor alone she stomped on a skeever, trampled to death one of a pair of battling mages who made the mistake of throwing an ice spike at her then charged a nearby wolfpack attracted by the sounds of battle. I thought Allie was finally showing some sense when she ran away from a bear, but it turned out she’d caught the scent of a pair of frostbite spiders advancing. And this one journey wasn’t even unusual! Every single journey I take with this horse ends with her hooves covered in blood. I fear I am not going to get my money’s worth out of the 1000 gold I invested in this horse before something manages to take this suicidally vicious horse down. The circlet with Revyn Sadri was very similar but not Grandmothers. The enchantment wasn’t strong enough and the smithwork wasn’t as old. I did my best to be grateful and nice to Revyn regardless as he says he gets in a lot of pieces from wanderers, so perhaps one day it will turn up in Windhelm. Being nice to him wasn’t hard. He’d accidentally bought a stolen ring he wanted me to return discreetly and Revyn has a strangely attractive way of speaking. It’s hard to describe, something in the tone and his choice of words. I agreed to meet him for drinks after he’d closed his shop. It was during the several hours until he could get to the New Gnisis Cornerclub I met Sofie, although I didn’t decide to adopt her straight away. Perhaps because I was looking forward to an evening just having some fun. Which I did. Revyn was a charming conversationalist and the atmosphere at the New Gnisis Cornerclub is lively. It could rival Candlehearth Hall as an inn if it only had beds. Don’t get me wrong, the place is obviously less wealthy than Candlehearth Hall, but the atmosphere there was rather cold. Although that might be because Revyn and I were the only two elves there. Perhaps if a Nord had gone into the New Gnisis Cornerclub the atmosphere would have been as cold as the snow outside. There is a great problem with prejudice in Windhelm. It has rather a high proportion of Dunmer which are not treated kindly by the Nords. My first sight upon entering the city was of a Dunmer woman being threatened by a pair of Nords, and the area in which they live has been allowed to become highly run down. Its name has even been changed from the Snow quarter to the Grey quarter. But I’m not going to say the Dunmer are paragons of racial tolerance either. They have just as much hatred for the Nords as the Nords do for them. I overheard conversations about a book called Dunmer of Skyrim was discussed favourably at the Cornerclub. I’ve read it, and it doesn’t deserve to be. I know my race gets a lot of negative attention for its obsession with racial purity but the phrase: “member of a lesser race” is a lot politer than “white skinned haired jaundiced haired ape.” Calling people grazing animals and openly stating you are plotting their slaughter is an outright declaration of war and I can’t blame Nords for being distressed by that. I’m pretty sure the Aldmeri Dominion is just trying to organise the races into hierarchies, not slaughter them like cattle. The next morning I decided to travel to see the Shrine of Azura in Winterhold. I thought it was pure curiosity driving me but the Priestess Aranea claimed it was fate and Azura calling me to reclaim her star. It would explain why I was not going home to Grosnach and why nearly freezing to death in a blizzard and fighting three frost trolls didn’t dissuade me. Allie showed a little sense, running after one punch (I bet only because of the beating she let herself take earlier) then she completely vanished. I thought she’d died in the wilds but when I finally made it back to Winterhold Allie was waiting patiently for me like nothing had happened. I hate that horse as much as I love it. Aranea sent me to an elf in Winterhold named Nelacar who gave me more information. Azura’s artefact was perverted by a Dunmer named Malvyn determined to cheat death personally but quite happy to deliver it to those around him. I can certainly see why Azura was unhappy and wanted someone to release it from its defilement. Nelacar spoke angrily about how the whole thing was Azura’s fault and she wasn’t to be trusted. I suspect he mourns Malyn’s friendship and the fact when his morals were tested he failed. And also Nelacar doesn’t want to face that he put his trust in such a murderous lunatic so it is more convenient for him to blame the daedra for it. He did point me in the right direction as to where his disciples were. Malyn’s disciples, when I went to reclaim Azura’s Star from the sodden Keep they were secluded in, were absolutely vile. All necromancers and they talked openly about sacrificing outsiders and each other into the star. Conveniently and alarmingly it was on the same lake that gives Lakeview Manor its name. This may have been a factor in my decision to relocate the children to a city, come to think of it. It was on the way back to Falkreath Hold from Winterhold I decided to take Sofie home. I just kept thinking of her in the snow, trying to sell flowers she stole from gardens for food and sleeping in the street with an uncaught serial killer preying on Nord women around. I thought she might be company for Grosnach, not that he has interacted much with her yet. He’s still quiet and withdrawn as he mourns his mother, although he is talking a little to myself and Rayya. He spoke of how his mother taught him the lumbar trade and which trees to harvest, and getting a sword to defend the place. That isn’t a bad idea, really. He’s certainly old enough to start combat training. The next step was to return the star to the shrine. I killed a fort full of necromancers harassing travellers on the way, leaving Allie far behind as she was still trying to kill every troll, sabrecat, wolf and bear that had the misfortune to cross our path. Returning the star to Azura ended up with her sending me inside it to clear out Malyn’s soul. It was a fascinating place, made entirely of spiked crystals I had ample opportunity to observe as I hid behind them while three Dremora Malyn sent against me threw fireballs. Malyn must have assumed they finished me off as he was standing quite openly and unconcerned without any cover whatsoever. I think he died not even realising he’d been sniped with an arrow. Azura then said I could use her star however I saw fit so I’ve put on my dresser. It looks very pretty decorating the hallway. I also took the Priestess Aranea with me. Azura had told her she would be sending no more visions which was devastating to the woman after so many years of faithful, solitary service. She focused on me as the protector of the star so I’m letting her follow me for a while until she feels more stable. I then decided to meet Barbas as I was starting to fear if I ignored him too long he’d end up influencing my mind the way Azura and Meridia did. It was while I was fighting the vampires infesting his shrine I discovered I had lost my bow. I have no idea where or how I dropped it, which is a shame. It was a darn good bow. But at least I still had my swords. Getting to Clavicus Vile’s shrine took most of the day as I had to walk Allie at Aranea’s pace and deal with all the wildlife. Allie managed to find a Wispmother while I was killing a troll. I still don’t know how she managed that. That horse awes me sometimes. Clavicus agreed to take Barbas back if I found him a powerful axe. I’m not completely sure reuniting them is the right thing to do, considering Clavicus was pleased I killed all the vampire worshipers simply because they were asking for a cure and he openly states he is weak without Barbas. But after Azura and Meridia I can’t help feeling eventually Barbas would have compelled me somehow, and I’d rather have avoided that. Not that I managed to find the axe yet. I returned home via Helgen in time to see a real life dragon leaving after devastating the town. As it was flying to Riverwood village I thought I’d best warn the people there, who in turn sent me to Whiterun to ask the Jarl for protection, who in turn sent me to his court wizard Farengar for help researching the dragons, who sent me to Bleak Falls Barrow to find a dragonstone to help with his research. While I was there I also found a Golden Claw which had been stolen from the local shopkeepers. I recognised it instantly as they haven’t stopped whining about it for days. The thieves knew it was a key deep into the tomb but were woefully unprepared for the giant spiders and undead dragr roaming the place. They did not survive their lack of preparation. All their blundering around noisily made it harder for me and Aranea to survive as well. We could have snuck quietly past a lot more sleeping dragr if they hadn’t have run around shouting to wake them up. When I was delivering the Dragonstone I got roped into fighting a dragon attacking the watchtower. It was a different one. The one who destroyed Helgen was black and larger, not that the one helped kill was exactly small. It could talk, but all it wanted to do with its ability to communicate was insult. I got the most exhilarating rush of energy when it died. In fact the death was a breathtaking spectacle of lights as the flesh melted away from its skeleton leaving only a few scales and bones (Also I think I’ve discovered what to make the shrine to Talos out of, should I choose to do so. I may have to, Sofie keeps asking why it is missing from the base). I’ve never seen anything like it, but I’m not in a hurry to fight another. The Jarl was grateful for my help and gave me a housecarl named Lydia and permission to buy property. I bought Breezehome on the spot. Tomorrow I plan to go to Lakeview Manor to move the children. The Jarl and the guards keep telling me I’m Dragonborn and I need to go to a monastery called High Hrothgar for training but I’ve got too much to do. I’ve got children to raise, a circlet to find and a daedric dog to reunite with its master. I should probably go to sleep now, I have a long day tomorrow. With love, Eilonwy. P.S. I met cousin Hakan briefly as well. He’s joined Kematu’s band, so naturally he was very proud of himself. Unfortunately we didn’t have time to talk much as they’d drawn the ire of Whiterun’s guards during their investigation but you can tell everyone he is well and happy. If you write to the Frostfruit Inn at Rorikstead he may receive it. They’re looking for the betrayer of Taneth. I’ll certainly turn her in if I find her.
[PI] The Dark Swordsman - FirstChapter - 3234 Words
“In the land of Liengard, many legends of mythical beings and gods exist, but the one which stood out more, which was the pride of the massive land of Liengard, was the story of ‘The dark Swordsman’. It’s a legend which has been passed down from generation to generation, teaching children just like you that having resolve and strength is important to become a big and strong man! The story begins at the gates of the “Ironguard fort”, the biggest and strongest fort in all of the lands, within the Ironguard fort lived the king, a generous and loving king who gave to his people all his attention and would readily sacrifice anything to aid them. At the time, our land was a still a mostly desolate hills and plains, the only major city was in the Ironguard fortress. The evil creatures of darkness living nearby, seeing the rising power of the us humans, decided to attack to destroy us while we were still getting stronger. The biggest and evilest creature in the land were the dragon warriors. A single, strong dragon warrior could easily defeat the strongest man in the world! Everyone in the Ironguard fort all of the legendary warriors feared them, and they were even more scared when they found out they were sending an entire army to fight us. The king, desperate after hearing news of the dragon warriors coming to attack them, prayed to the gods for days on end without pause. In the end, in the final moments of desperation, the gods answered his prayers, by gifting the land of Liengard with the Dark Swordsman. The Dark Swordsman was a man whose identity was unknown, the only thing anyone knew of him, was that he was the master of swordsmanship. With his dual wielding ‘Blades of thunder’ he easily defeated the squad of elite dragon warriors. The king, knowing that this wouldn’t be enough decided to send the Dark swordsman alongside his men to fight and defeat the dragon warriors in their own home town, the top of the mountain Altis. What happened next was something that none of the dragon warriors expected, the dragon warriors, the once proud and undefeated race, were utterly defeated by the hands of the Dark swordsman, none of the elite dragon units stood a chance against the him, and when finally the dragon king had been slayed as well, the entire dragon warrior race was proclaimed extinct. The Swordsman was celebrated, worshipped and thanked to no ends. The people erected statues of him, naming him “The man who defeated 10 million warriors”. But shortly after all the festivities, the swordsman mysteriously disappeared forever, leaving humanity to it’s own destiny. This story is very old, many think the swordsman isn’t real and is just a tale to teach children that if you believe in someone or something then good things will always happen. But I think the swordsman is real, he is not just a tale the bard's of the world sing at taverns. I believe that one day, he will return and save us from this horrid land.” And with that, Lydia sat back in her chair, evident discomfort as she slouched over her chair, the bright glow of the fireplace illuminating only part of her face, the other half was completely covered in shadows. “Don’t worry mommy! Daddy went to fight the monsters with Merdoc! They’ll defeat all of them like the Swordsman did!” Tom says as he stands up and imagines fighting an imaginary enemy with his wooden sword. “You shouldn’t get him so fired up, you know these stories always get him excited, now it’ll be at least an hour before he goes to bed!” exclaims Merek cheerfully as he walks past the living room, shutting the main entrance door behind him and holding clean and dried clothes for the night in his arms. “I can’t help it” Lydia says as she playfully ruffles up Tom’s hair, interrupting his duel with the imaginary enemy “Tommy just loves these stories, I guess it just gives hope to everyone in one way or another” she let’s out a big sigh as she leaned back into her chair, more tired than ever and about to fall asleep. “Since dad’s not back yet I’ll go get the wood tomorrow” Merek softly says as he rests on of his shoulders on the living room doorway, the flames making shadows dance around him and highlight his scruffy black hair “Oh would you dear? That would be fantastic” Lydia says through a yawn, arms stretched upwards. “Can I come too?” Tom squeals in excitement, even for his young age, Tom had an uncanny amount of energy for a 9 year old. “It’s too dangerous for you Tommy, but we can go to the town center tonight if you want” Merek says with a smile on his face, enjoying one of the rare nights of cozy relaxation. “Yea! Yea! Let’s go to the town center! I want to meet up with Georgie and Mabel! And also get food too!” Tom blurts out with excitement, jumping up and down while heading to the doorway. “I guess it’s fine if he goes a bit past his bedtime” Lydia mumbles with her eyes closed, “It’s not like he has work to or something, unlike you mister, so you better be back by 11:30” She mumbles again, but this time with a smile. “Sure, I won’t be too late” Merek responds with a smile, and with that Merek turns around and adorned his cape as he gestured Tom to put his cotton jacket on to avoid the cold of the night. As he exited the house, Tom’s excitement had suddenly vanished, as he stared into the far away woods. Merek, picking up on the hint of seriousness crouched next to Tom. “Hey Tommy, what’s wrong?” He asked thoughtfully while trying to find his gaze with his own. “It’s been a few days and dad still isn’t back from his patrol” Tom said with a bit of a bummed out voice. “What if something happened to him?” Merek let out a chuckle, “Dad would never fail, remember? He’s the one who won the annual goat wrestling this year, you bet your ass he’s strong enough to take down any wild beast with his friends!” “Hey! Mom said no swearing!” Tom says with a small smile forming as he turned and looked at Merek straight in the eyes. Merek let out another chuckle as he grabbed Tom by the hips and raised him over his head, placing him on his shoulder. “Come on! Horse ride to Town center here we come!” and with that Merek darted off towards the gravel road and town center with Tom laughing on piggyback, even if it was a small thing, that conversation helped both reassure themselves over their father and that he would return safe. Meanwhile, In the Middle of the forest upon which Tom and Merek were staring deeply into, a group of 5 men defended themselves against an unknown danger. The 5 men’s backs faced each in a circle formation, to avoid anything creeping up behind them like the hunt master had showed them during training. Among those 5 men was Tom’s and Merek’s father “Nicolao”, a scruffy looking man with short brown hair and a thick beard, a muscularly toned body covered in thick furs and jackets to fight off the cold night. Next to him were all his friends, 2 holding a torch and a sword, 2 holding sword and a wooden shield whom of which and one holding a bow and a number of arrows. “You heard it right?” Dave, one of Nicolao’s friends says softly, as each person quickly analyzed each bush and foliage in their sight, anything big enough to hide a beast. “It sounded like some sort of growl, like a wolf” Merdoc exclaims, clear distress in his voice. “It was way deep, it sounded more like a bear” Nicolao states bluntly, his years and experience with hunting showing, “but it’s strange, at this time of year bears should be going into hibernation” Nicolao continued, a hint of discomfort in his own voice. “Maybe a late sleeper?” responds Gervaise, the man holding the bow who was in the middle of the circle formation, his arrow already ready to be pulled and shot. Suddenly a loud footstep was heard to Nicolao’s left. Everyone turned in unison to see a brown bear charge out of the bush, a ferocious snarl and growl ensued as the 5 men quickly scattered to avoid being trampled and mauled by the massive bear. Gervaise quickly pulled his arrow and started aiming as the bear was recovering from his initial charge, he let go of the arrow as it landed on the bear's neck, puncturing the thick skin and causing a bleed. The bear let out a roar as he winded up on his hind legs and flung his massive arms against Dave, who was closest. Dave managed to dodge the swipe by agiley backstepping with his shield raised for good measure, the 2 hunters holding the torch quickly converged on the bear and waved their fiery torches aggressively at the bear in hopes of scaring it away. As Nicolao observed the scene, ready to stick his blade into the bear's backside as the opportunity presented itself, he noticed something extremely odd about the bear, something no one else could observe due to them being in the heat of the moment. The bear's movements were sluggish, tired, and upon turning around the bear revealed a massive gash going from his neck all the way to his hind legs running along his side. “EVERYONE STOP” Nicolao screams at the top of his lungs. “BACK OFF FROM THE BEAR, IT’S ALREADY INJURED”, knowing that Nicolao has a better experience with hunting than anyone else did, the group backed off and witnessed as the bear wildly, yet awkwardly and sluggishly swiped at the air. Only then did everyone else notice the massive gash running along his side. The bear’s legs suddenly gave in, the brown bear heavily slammed against the ground, too tired to get back up.“What the hell could have made such a wound?!” Dave exclaimed he staggered backwards, observing the bear heavily panting while reaching it’s final moments. “Everyone circle formation!” exclaimed Nicolao as he put himself in position, everyone else doing the same. For a minute, there was nothing but silence and the heavy panting of the bear, as the group looked at each other and the bear in a desperate attempt to guess what could have damaged the bear so severely. after another minute, the bear stopped panting, leaving the group with just the silence of the night. “We need to get out of….” Merdoc was cut short of a deep and fear inducing growl. A humanoid figure emerged from the bushes, revealing a heavy, shiny black armour set with a horned helmet gazing down upon the group of men. “The wildlife is so weak here” said the humanoid figure, standing at a massive 2.5 meters, as he placed one foot on the bear, entering the torches range, showing he was holding a strange looking blue and heavy spear. “That must be the murder weapon” Nicolao thought to himself as he analyzed the humongous humanoid. He was suddenly taken aback when he noticed the awful stench emanating from him. “It’s an Orc!” one of the men whispered to the rest of the group, “An elite one at that!” responded another. “Hehehe, I thought I would do some shopping, but bears aren’t enough fun to kill” The orc said with a evident smile beneath his visor. He started taking massive, heavy steps towards the group of men, who started backing up against a line of tree’s. “We will fight you to do the death you Horrid ogre!” Exclaimed Gervaise, raising his bow and releasing an arrow. The arrow took a straight trajectory towards the Ogre’s face, it would have been a perfect and certainly damaging shot if it weren’t for the black shiny helmet and visor completely covering and protecting his face. The arrow harmlessly bounced off the thick armour, inducing a loud and cruel laugh from the Oge. The Ogre raised his spear, preparing to impale the frontman, Nicolao, with the sheer weight of the spear rather than its actual pointedness. “SCREAM MUDMEN!” The Ogre bellowed through his laughter. As the spear fell down, Nicolao raised his shield and closed his eyes, preparing for the worst. Instead of feeling the massive spear break his shield, his arm break and the spear going straight through his chest he heard the strangest noise he had ever heard, like nothing you hear in your everyday life, at least for a hunter. He looked up to see a spark of yellow light, with a pattern similar to an electric spark in the bush, followed by the same light approaching the ogre at breakneck speed and go cleanly through him. The noise he had heard was similar to a lightning crackle, mixed with the sound of metal scraping at another bar of metal. The Ogre, simply stood there in silence for a moment, behind his visor, his eyes were just as confused as Nicolao’s. A sudden waterfall of blood started violently gushing out of the entire, fat backside of the ogre, the ogre let out a painful and blood chilling scream as the heavy spear slammed against the earth, the Ogres head pointed upwards while his open hands pointed to the sky as he slowly fell on his knees, and then heavily on his side. Nicolao turned around in disbelief, everyone in the group had the same surprised and awestruck expression that he had. Nicolao heard the strange noise again, as he turned towards the source of the noise, he noticed a man covered entirely in robes, undulating in the chilly night wind. He was holding a sheathe, slowly inserting a yellow glowing sword as it crackled and emanated sparks just like lightening. After the stranger had finished sheathing his strange blade he turned around to face the group of men. Cold, steely blue eyes and a rough beard with skin showing a hint of age were revealed by the torch light. For a moment, nothing but the Ogre’s softly cascading blood could be heard in the night. “Wha...Who ar….” Nicolao was cut short by the stranger. “You’re Nicolao am I right?” he asks with a soft, gentle and strangely seducing voice, yet firm and full of authority and power. “You’re Merek’s father, aren’t you?” Nicolao was in complete and utter shock, it took him a few tries before he could manage to move his mouth and spit out words. “Who….Who are you supposed to be?” Nicolao asked, now recollecting himself, holding his blade firmly. The stranger, seeing Nicolao’s hands grasping his sword so firmly, chuckled. “Such violent manners and tones” The swordsman chuckled. “I don’t expect you to believe me as of now, but I am the disciple of the Dark swordsman” The stranger explained gently, with no nervousness what-so-ever in his voice, inducing a sense of calm within the distressed group of men of which Nicolao was part of. “You fool!” Merdoc exclaimed angrily, refusing to give in to the strangers soothing voice. “The dark swordsman is only a legend! You don’t expect us to believe you're wielding the actual thunder blade!”. Only now did Nicolao realise that the blade the stranger was wielding was uncaningly like the one described by legends. “a blade who made the sky cry and thunder fall on the tried” Nicolao slowly whispered in disbelief while staring blankly at the sheathe. The robed man raised his eyebrows and smiled upon hearing the verses. “So this is what my master has become, an old legend to be passed down from generation to generation, from tavern to tavern”. The robed stranger paused for a second, he then continued by asking “How about you show me to your town? I wanted to speak to Merek about something he simply can’t refuse”. A brief silence as Nicolao recollected himself from the events and the question. The chilly night made the strangers robes sway hypnotically, adding even further to his soothing and relaxing voice, it seemed as if he were capable of calming an army of enfuriated dragons just by whispering in their ears. “I will not let you in the village” Nicolao growled while raising his blade. The stranger raised an eyebrow again, this time in amusement. “We cannot hold on like this, more Orcs and ogres are coming to see why their friend is not coming back” and sure enough, the heavy footsteps and the familiar, loud bellowing of the orcs, who readily raid Nicolao’s village whenever they couldn’t may the monthly contract, was approaching them. “THEN PROVE IT” screamed Dave at he top of his lungs. “PROVE YOU'RE THE DISCIPLE OF THE DARK SWORDSMAN!” Dave continued, anger and frustration in his screaming voice, which seemed to catch the attention of the orcs as the footsteps were making a B line towards the group. “Dave, you don’t actually believe this man” Gervaise asked nervously, his bow and arrow raised towards the incoming footsteps. “Don’t worry, don’t worry” The stranger says in a calm voice and placing his hand on the hilt of his blade. “I’ll put a show on….” the grip over the hilt of the blade suddenly tightened as a fraction of the blade unsheathed, revealing a radiating yellow light. “I’ll put a show….Just for you”, the stranger's eyes suddenly went cold serious, his calm and soothing voice was replaced by a gruff, aggressive and fearsome voice as his cold, blue steely eyes pointed themselves towards 4 incoming Ogres, 2 elites and 2 normal foot soldiers, wielding clubs and spears. The stranger gave a sudden, massive tug to the blade, within the fraction of a second it took to unsheathe it a massive amount of cracking could be heard, the group of men back off as jolts of electricity went from the blade to the ground around the stranger. Once fully extracted, a thunderbolt was heard in the distance as a smile spread against the stranger's face. The blade went to fast for it to register in Nicolao’s eyes, he simply saw a sudden flash of lightning and a bright light zooming from one side of the stranger to the other. The sudden change of light level caused the lightning and sword swing to be burnt into his retina’s for a few seconds. Nicolao closed his eyes and rubbed them thoroughly, once he reopened them, he stood shocked, dumbstruck, incredulous and in awe. All 4 orcs were split in half, including the elites with their shiny black armour, their inside were completely fried and charred black, the tree’s in the surrounding area were also cut in half, toppling over each other in a massive round of dominoes, some were ablaze from the lightning blade, others fell atop the ogres after a moment, other simply disintegrated. The stranger slowly stood upright after the tremendous blow and started sheathing his sword, all the while it crackled and grinded. “My name’s Degarre Drailest” The stranger casually and bluntly states. “I am the disciple of the Dark wanderer, wielder of the lightning blades.”
Using the Take Notes mod, I recorded the story of my khajiit character Dro'Ba. Enjoy. Journal ---Last Seed, 17th, 4E 201--- So I arrive! Skyrim. So large, so cold, and so full of opportunity! Or not, maybe, I don't know, I only just got here from Elsewyre. At least it cannot be worse than the boat ride here... I arrived at Whiterun and someone has asked me to take a sword to the Jarl. I suppose a little work won't be that bad. At the Jarl's castle, I met Farengar, the court wizard. He says I can use his enchanting table if I want to, seems I will try to become an enchanter...er. English isnt my best skill... ---Last Seed, 18th, 4E 201--- That sword I needed to take is now in the hands of the Jarl, and I have 20 more coins in my pocket. Win Win. Using that 20 gold for mead may not have been such a good idea... I ended up in a fistfight. At least I won, turned that 20 into 100, heh. I have smithed myself some armour, it's going to help me find Amrens sword. He is paying me to find it. That didn't take as long as I expected. Hmm, I guess the bandits in skyrim are jut terrible at their jobs. Amren paid me in sword and shield lessons. I suppose it will help me survive out here. ---Last Seed, 22nd, 4E 201--- Because of the house prices, I decided to build my own shack. I am not used to the weather of skyrim, it gets really cold. So I built everything in an underground basement. It has a bed, a cooking pot, an alchemy table and an enchantment table. ---Last Seed, 24th, 4E 201--- After a few days of work, I moved everything into a sub-basement! I have the entrance on the surface, the living area below and my work area below that! This may become my permanent home! After wandering out of my shack, I found a cave with a few bandits in it. After, uhm, "cleaning up" more came to avenge their colleagues. They weren't too hard either. There was a horse near the cave, I guess nobody needs this anymore... ---Last Seed, 25th, 4E 201--- I've only gone and done it, I just couldn't keep my hands to myself. Now, I am wanted in solitude. The capital of skyrim, and I cannot ever go back to it. Unless I am going to pay 3000 gold or spend a while in the dungeons, which I am not doing! It was just so shiney! ---Last Seed, 28th, 4E 201--- This has been an adventurous past few days, I just changed the fate of a daedric artifact. I cut of Azura's star from Azura herself. I am free to use it to hold any black souls I want. My enchanting will now be much easier. ---Last Seed, 30th, 4E 201--- Well, getting run out of whiterun wasn't the greatest moment of my life. Drug dealing probably wasn't a good method of getting money. Oh well, I just hide all my stolen items before serving my time. I have to do it at some point. Well, let's get this over with... ---Heartfire, 6th, 4E 201--- That was the worst time of my life. I pretty sure Roggnar was giving me looks... oh well, a quick claw to the face stopped that. Now i'm out, I can get my loot and carry on. Lets try to avoid getting caught. May aswell serve my time in Solitude while i'm at it. Well how rude! The minute I leave Whiterun, a bunch of thugs try to murder me! I looked at the contract they were given, and it was Arcadia who sent them! She thought I stole some of her stock, damn racist! Just because I am a Khajiit, she thinks I did it! I mean, I did do it, but she just assumes it was me anyway! Gosh, the nerve of some people... ---Heartfire, 16th, 4E 201--- Just been to the windpeak inn at Dawnstar, they have this thing called a 'Slot Machine'. They say it was made by the dwarves. Some pictures appear on the glass, and you bet money to try and to stop the pictures when there is 3 in a row. I just made 100 gold! It's so easy! Am I correct or am I just a little drunk still? There are talking walls? What are they even saying. Oh well, some strange sounds and lights won't keep me from my loot! ---Heartfire, 17th, 4E 201--- I am getting real good with this bow. I killed 6 wolves and 4 bandits from across the land. They never knew what hit them! I should enchant this thing soon. ---Heartfire, 18th, 4E 201--- I found a note on a dead Draugr. Its very cryptic, and maybe it leads to unknown treasures. I simply must investigate. ---Heartfire, 19th, 4E 201--- I spoke with a merchant at the docks in Solitude. Pirates have been attacking the docks. Maybe they will have some decent loot... The opportunity is just piling up! I knew Skyrim was a good decision. ---Heartfire, 21st, 4E 201--- I have prepared to take on the pirates that have been attacking the docks. Time to find some loot! ---Heartfire, 23rd, 4E 201--- I hear they are reforming the dawnguard, vampire hunters or something, in an old fort near riften. I'm going to join up myself. Let's take the fight to these vampire scum. ---Heartfire, 25th, 4E 201--- As I was clearing the cave of vampires, I contracted their disease. I need to get to an alter quick. I am also helping one of them get home, but only because she has an elder scroll. If that wasn't the case, she wouldn't be breathing. Remember that thing I said about destroying the vampires? Scratch that, I joined them. They offered me so much, power and... I guess that's it actually, but there was a lot of it. Great power, Grand Power, UNLIMITED POWER!!!!!! It was worth it. ---Heartfire, 26th, 4E 201--- Arg! The sun, it burns! I guess the basements in my shack serve a better purpose now. ---Heartfire, 28th, 4E 201--- So. Dragons. At least it's not dogs. Better tell the Jarl anyway. I was right to tell him, he gave me a very nice piece of armour, much better than my current. My old armour will fetch a nice price. Meanwhile, the court wizard is sending me to some old ruins. There had better be some loot there. ---Heartfire, 29th, 4E 201--- I did that favor for the court wizard. The loot was good, and there was another of those talking wall things. But my reward was not that good, but the old bracers may fetch a nice price. Dragons. More dragons. Better go deal with that, it can't be too much of a step up from a troll. Dragons dead. Wasn't too hard, but apparently I am 'Dragonborn'. Add that to my vampiric abilities, and that means that I am a cat with a dragon soul, with the blood of a vampire and the ability to turn into a lizard looking thing. I am full of surprises! ---Heartfire, 30th, 4E 201--- You are now looking at the new thane of whiterun! Or, his journal at least... I now have a person who follows me wherever I go and fights for me. Life is gonna be a lot easier from now on. ---Frostfall, 4th, 4E 201--- I met a person in the whiterun stables. They were half naked and extremely drunk, but they are hilarious, so now they follow me around protecting me with Lydia. Apparently her name is Sofia. ---Frostfall, 12th, 4E 201--- So many Dragons, so little time, I just took out 2 today! Why is the rest of skyrim having such a problem with them? ---Frostfall, 20th, 4E 201--- Lord Harkon needs Elder Scrolls. I have one now. Serana knows the location of the second. Let's get it... I must please Lord Harkon ---Frostfall, 27th, 4E 201--- After a week of searching... I have Auriel's bow... Lord Harkon will be pleased... I only wish to please my master... No, what am I saying? Harkon's blood has tainted me, I cannot stand this any longer, Harkon must die! ---Frostfall, 28th, 4E 201--- It is done... Harkon is dead... I have control over myself again. Life is good for the vampiric cat Dro'Ba. ---Frostfall, 30th, 4E 201--- I sold the Elder scrolls to Dexion, my blind thrall. I made enough money to buy a house in whiterun. Better to not raise suspicion I suppose. I will start moving my stuff immediately. I just adopted a child. Better to keep people off the streets. She may be useful at some point as well... ---Sun's Dusk, 2nd, 4E 201--- I got another kid for good measure. Can't be too careful. But I think I broke the first one. It just keeps walking into the walls... Oh well. At least one is working right. ---Sun's Dusk, 10th, 4E 201--- My children say they are lonely, say I should consider getting a wife to become their mother. If it will help me stay undetected, then I might as well. But who? ---Sun's Dusk, 19th, 4E 201--- I decided, Whiterun sucks, so I am moving to Markarth. This place is more interesting. ---Sun's Dusk, 26th, 4E 201--- I have discovered who I shall marry to keep my intentions secret. Sofia! That weird person who started following me around. She is funny, a good fighter and she insults that prick Nazeem! She is perfect! ---Sun's Dusk, 30th, 4E 201--- I just killed a dragon, and some douche named Miraak just stole its soul! I'll kill him! ---Evening Star, 4th, 4E 201--- Miraak is finally dead. He was killing a lot of dragons, I absorbed 6 souls from him! I can also ride dragons when I shout at them, which is pretty cool. ---Evening Star, 8th, 4E 201--- Someone at the college has taught me how to make my own spells. This one I made sets someone on fire and heals me from their own life force. I call it "Flames Of Blood". ---Evening Star, 10th, 4E 201--- I was searching under the college, and I found something strange... a sort of summoning table. I decided to throw random things into it, my sword, a daedra heart, a centurion dynamo core and a black soul gem. I activated it and my sword turned into a daedric weapon! This shows great promise... I wonder what else I can make... ---Evening Star, 18th, 4E 201--- Damn Dragons... I took control of one to fly me to whiterun, and when I dismissed it, it followed me into town and killed everyone it found! Stupid beasts... ---Sun's Dawn, 9th, 4E 202--- Alduin the world eater is dead by my hand. I made armour out of his bones. Well, his bones disappeared, so I used another dragons, but the buyer won't know that. I made a set for myself and Sofia too. So much has happened. I would have written it all sooner, but Alduin ate my pen. That's basically the reason I killed him. I hate it when people eat my stuff. I am the most loved, and most wanted person in Skyrim. I mean come one guys, I set a chicken on fire while fighting a dragon, stop shooting me! So much has happened. I walked off the boat a merchant/ thief/ somepeoplemaycallthatthesamething, and here I stay a hero, a villain, a dragonslayer and the guy who took all your damn sweetrolls. I am Dro'Ba, and I am the Dragonborn. (Who turns into a lizard thing after being a cat. I know, I'm great.)
Anagrams of Survivor Castaways' Names! (Seasons 1-32) [[Pretty FUNNY!!]]
So, I saw someone else posted a list of Survivor anagrams for S32. I also have compiled a list of anagrams of Survivor castaways’ names from seasons 1 to 32 over time. So I thought I’d share them! I put Cambodia first, then Kaoh Rong, and then seasons 1-30 in order. To find a player you have in mind, look them up on their original season. I put in italics anagrams that arefunnyorinterestingorcreepy… Winnersare in bold. And I only put anagrams on the list that actually make coherent sense. **HOPE YOU ENJOY IT! Feel free to leave comments about your favorites! They’d be appreciated as some of these are pretty darn funny. ~Cambodia~ Abi-Maria Gomes = Bro... I am sage. I am!/ I am some airbag/ I raise ammo bag Andrew Savage = Agendas wave Award gas even/ A sad new grave/ A war’s avenged/ Wave as danger Ciera Eastin = A nice satire/ I eat arsenic Jeremy Collins = Smell nicer joy Joe Anglim = Go jam line/ Go jail men/ Jail gnome Kass McQuillen = Quick man sells/ Quells in smack/ Keith Nale = Then I leak/ Liken heat Kelley Wentworth = We knew they troll/ Well, they network Kelly Wiglesworth = Get why skill lowe Yell, work with legs/ Wore skylight well Kimmi Kappenberg = Be pimp kingmaker Monica Padilla = I do a plain clam Spencer Bledsoe = No blessed creep/ Peer be coldness/ Son creep bleeds Tasha Fox = Fast hoax ~Kaoh Rong~ Alecia Holden = Hoed alliance/ I cleaned halo Aubry Bracco = Crab, you crab/ Occur by a ba Cab by our car Cydney Gillon = End cloyingly/ Lending coyly Darnell Hamilton = I manhandle troll/ Harm all indolent/ I enthrall old man Caleb Reynolds = A scorned belly/ Censored by all/ Sacredly noble/ Clearly on beds/ Lonely bed sca Obscenely lard/ Lordly absence/ Bend so clearly/ Beyond recalls/ Blend coarsely/ Closed blarney/ Elderly can sob Debbie Warner = Be wide, barren/ Dare new bribe/ Renewed Rabbi/ Wine be barred/ Need barbwire/ New bare bride/New red Barbie/ Beer be inward/ Be wind-beare Beware binde I be redrawn Joe del Campo = Deep cool jam Kyle ‘Sarg’ Jason = Slangy as Joke Joke, gnarly ass/ Any jerk’s goals/ Glares sank joy Michele Fitzgerald = I fetch me lizard leg Neal Gottlieb = Go, little bean!/ Angel to be lit/ Let binge a lot/ Be in tollgate/ Gotten liable/ Not legible at/ Oblige talent/ Leg in a bottle/ Blot a Gentile Nick Maiorano = I rock on mania/ Crook in mania/ A minion croak Peter Baggenstos = Egg a tense Probst/ Be poet gangsters/ Beg top greatness/ Stop tense beggar Scot Pollard = Doll’s capto Craps do toll/ Do call sport/ Scar top doll/ Clasp to Lord/ Adopt scroll/ To drop calls/ Scold patrol Tai Trang = Giant rat/ A ratting/ Rang at it/ Tag train ~Borneo~ B.B. Andersen = Ban benders/ Bed banners Dirk Been = Be kinde Kind bee Keen bird/ Kneed rib Gervase Peterson = Gas over pretense/ Go save represent/ Repeat governess Greg Buis = Big urges/ Big surge/ Us bigge I rub eggs/ Is bugger Gretchen Cordy = Dry crotch gene Joel Klug = Gull joke Ramona Gray = Angry aroma Rudy Boesch = Crushed boy/ Decoy shrub/ Rode by such Stacey Stillman = All my testis can/ Am silently cast/ My little ass can/ Calls it amnesty/ Class mentality/ Mainly tactless/ I’ll act my sanest/ Less cattily, man/ Saintly calmest/ Casts all enmity/ Clients may last/ All my scantiest/ It’s all my ascent/ Smell a sanctity/ Smelly at antics/ Tally semantics ~The Australian Outback~ Amber Mariano = Am near Rob, I am!/ Am a main bore Rare mob mania Colby Donaldson = So, con blond lady/ Scan doll on body/ Nobody’d call, son/ Call odds by noon Debb Eaton = Babe noted/ Note, be bad/ Be a debt on/ Beat on bed/ Toned babe/ Nabbed toe/ One bad bet/ Bent abode/ Need abbot Keith Famie = I make thief Kel Gleason = Leaks on leg/ Sleek along/ Ogles ankle Maralyn Hershey = Yearn me harshly/ Hears early hymn/ Sly hyena-harmer Mitchell Olson = Melons to chill Rodger Bingham = Go bring me hard/ Grind Amber, hog/ Go bring her mad/ Raging mob herd/ Had bigger morn Tina Wesson = Notes as win/ Was tension/ Now asset in/ Wins on a set/ Saw tension/ We no saints ~Africa~ Carl Bilancione = A clinical bone All can be ironic/ Can care billion/ Cancer a billion Clarence Black = Nice local brain/ Cannibal-recoil/ Rebel can clack/ Back canceller Diane Ogden = Die and gone/ Do need gain/ Gain no deed/ None did age Frank Garrison = Grins for a rank Kelly Goldsmith = Kills them godly Kim Powers = I skew prom Linda Spencer = Ends crap line/ Creeps inland/ Darn lip scene/ Dinner places/ Perils can end/ Placed sinne Sniped lance Slender panic/ Rancid spleen/ Naps, recline Lindsey Richter = I’d cry in shelte Is richly tende Recline dry shit/ Rich die sternly/ Sincerely third/ Resident richly/ Hit dry silencer Silas Gaither = Arise as light/ Hairiest slag/ I slather gas/ Sigh, a realist/ Right aliases Teresa Cooper = As creeper too/ Operates core/ See, react poo Operate score/ Cease troope Peace, rooster Tom Buchanan = Moan at bunch/ Can hunt a mob/ On a bum chant/ A thumb canon ~Marquesas~ Gabriel Cade = I care, be glad/ Grace bailed/ Race big deal/ Acrid beagle/ Be caged, lia Rig a debacle/ Acid be large Gina Crews = A screwing/ Nicer swag/ Wins grace/ Gains crew/ Saw cringe/ Care-wings/ Swing-race/ We scaring Hunter Ellis = He tells ruin/ Slur the line/ Line hustle Thrill ensue Paschal English = A clashing helps/ Hassling chapel Patricia Jackson = I join a crap stack/ Jackpot is in a car Peter Harkey = The key rape Take her prey Rob Mariano = A brain room Robert DeCanio = Aerobic rodent/ Bad rioter once/ Erection-board/ Do beat on crie Nice, dear robot/ Bored creation/ I beat no record/ Be action orde Be carried onto/ Be on a credito I’d beat corone End taboo crie I cornered boat Sean Rector = Arrest once/ Can restore/ Near escort/ Corner seat/ Neat score Snore, react/ No caterers/ Sneer acto So recreant/ Tear censor Tammy Leitner = I try me mental/ Try it, male men/ Manly termite/ Men may litte Trim me neatly/ Met my latrine/ Entitle my arm/ Mire my talent Vecepia Towery = I overact weepy/ I vote creep way/Receive way top/ Way to perceive ~Thailand~ Brian Heidik = A bikini herd/ I hiked in bra Erin Collins = Rolls in nice Ghandia Johnson = Shanghai donjon Helen Glover = Hell on verge/ Never go hell Ken Stafford = Drank off-set/ Sent off dark/ Faked fronts/ Offend stark/ Desk affront Penny Ramsey = Any men’s prey/ Enemy spy ran Shii-Ann Huang = I Shanghai nun Stephanie Dill = Depth in allies/ Held penis tail/ Denials help it/ Split headline/ I held panelist Ted Rogers = Get orders/ Greed-sort/ Do regrets/ Rest gored Jenna Morasca = Jeans can roam Sandra Diaz-Twine = A wizard sat in end/ Radiant win dazes/ I add an ersatz win/ Raw and sanitized Amber Mariano = Am near Rob, I am!/ Am a main bore Rare mob mania ~The Amazon~ Butch Lockley = The cocky bull/ Chuckle by lot/ To check bully/ Clothe by luck/ They lock club Christy Smith = My shirts itch Daniel Lue = Alien duel Heidi Strobel = Hostile bride/ I be the Lord’s/ Bite her idols/ Set her libido/ I do hit rebels Jenna Morasca = Jeans can roam Matthew von Ertfelda = Love fattened warmth/ Theft marveled a town Rob Cesternino = Erection’s born/ Corniest bone Escort boner in/ Be tonic snore No rotten scribe/ No snob recite No bitter sensor Roger Sexton = Ogre-torn sex Shawna Mitchell = Wins calm health ~Pearl Islands~ Burton Roberts = Turns to robber Christa Hastie = It’s a chest hai As I hit the cars/ I chase a thirst/ As a richest hit/ Atheistic rash Lillian Morris = Roll in similar Michelle Tesauro = Me, celestial hour Nicole Delma = Local men die/ Led on malice/ Me, a nice doll/ Me all in code/ Model can lie Osten Taylor = Nasty loote Loose tyrant/ Entry as tool/ Start looney/ Not real toys/ To stay lone Only at store/ Only to stare Rupert Boneham = Rape her bum ton/ Be humor-parent/ Mean up, brothe Be prom haunte Entrap bum hero/ Run, be metapho Another bumpe Mope heartburn/ Put home barren Ryan Opray = Pony-array Ryan Shoulders = Run dry, Asshole/ Hero runs, sadly/ Sorry, handle us/ Also ends hurry/ Darn surly hoes/ Hardens sourly/ Has old nursery/ Runs shy ordeal/ So hardly nurse Sandra Diaz-Twine = A wizard sat in end/ Radiant win dazes/ I add an ersatz win/ Raw and sanitized Shawn Cohen = No cash when… Tijuana Bradley = Radiant bluejay/ A bad late injury/ A bat lay injured / A ready jubilant/ Darn jail beauty ~Vanuatu~ Brady Finta = Ban if tardy/ Dainty barf/ Fry a bandit Brook Geraghty = Try, hook beggar Chris Daugherty = Richest hard guy/ Reach gushy dirt / I’d crush thy rage/ I’d hush great cry/ His daughter cry Dolly Neely = Yelled only Eliza Orlins = Nil is all zero John Palyok = Honk jalopy Lea ‘Sarge’ Masters = Alert, ass emerges/ Merge’s real asset/ Esteem larger ass/ Releases germs at/ Ageless streame Messages’ alerter Lisa Keiffer = Is life-freak/ Fake life, si Like if safe Rifle is fake Mia Galeotalanza = Agonize at a llama/ I gaze on, at a llama Rory Freeman = No marry free/ Yearn reform/ Nay, reforme Me, far ornery Scout Cloud Lee = Clues clued too/ Use collect duo Travis Sampson = Sportsman visa Twila Tanner = Want latrine ~Palau~ Angie Jackusz = Jack gun a size Caryn Groedel = End clear orgy/ Cry, aged lone Done large cry / Go end real cry/ Go dry-cleane Carry on ledge Ian Rosenberger = Enrage boner, si Nearer sobering/ Groins be neare Be senior ranger James Miller = Smellier jam Janu Tornell = Unlearn jolt Jonathan Libby = Job by inhalant Katie Gallagher = Hate, kill garage/ A talkier haggle Stephenie LaGrossa = Repeating Assholes/ Airplane sees ghost Tom Westman = Want me most/ ‘Twas moment Wanda Shirk = Ask hard win/ Drank a wish/ I swank hard/ Has kind wa Wash a drink/ Wash in dark Willard Smith = Thrill was dim/ Will mist hard ~Guatemala~ Amy O’Hara = Hay-aroma Brandon Bellinger = Ennobled barn girl Brianna Varela = Arable nirvana Brooke Struck = Book truckers Cindy Hall = Candy Hill Danni Boatwright = Win a grand hot bit/ A throwing bandit/ Bad with ignorant/ Boarding that win/ I do ban thwarting/ No tightwad brain Gary Hogeboom = Go abhor my ego/ Go harem boy, go Jamie Newton = A new joint me/ We meant join/ Join new meat Judd Sergeant = Adjust gende Just deranged/ Just need drag/ End, just raged/ Grand jest due/ Judges ranted/ Just darn edge Lydia Morales = Aside morally/ I delay morals/ I solely drama/ My idol as real/ A smelly radio/ Dies amorally/ Yes armadillo/ Admires loyal/ Dear loyalism/ Dreamily also/ Ideally roams Rafe Judkins = Aid fun jerks/ Junkier fads ~Panama – Exile Island~ Austin Carty = At a scrutiny/ Cut sanitary Bobby Mason = Ban my boobs Bruce Kanegai = Breaking a cue Cirie Fields = I sliced fire Dan Barry = Barnyard Danielle DiLorenzo = I’ll dread ozone line/ One idle, lone lizard/ Deodorize all linen Melinda Hyder = Men hardly die/ I end her madly/ Mend her daily/ Derailed hymn/ Maidenly herd Nick Stanbury = Bank scrutiny Shane Powers = Answers hope/ He opens wars/ He was person/ Pass new hero/ Has new poser Tina Scheer = In here, cats!/ The arsenic/ Nice hearts/ Then I scare/ Cheater’s in/ Antics here/ I enter cash/ She certain/ Hear insect/ I reach nest ~Cook Islands~ Adam Gentry = Tragedy-man/ Mated angry/ Gay men dart/ At my dange Day garment/ Grated many Billy Garcia = A big lyrical Brad Virata = Avid bar rat/ Bird avatar Candice Cody = A coded cynic Cecilia Mansilla = I can calm allies/ I call maniac’s lie/ I call malice a sin/ Clinical malaise/ I claim alliances Christina Coria = Raincoat is rich Flicka Smith = Lick him fast!/ Am sick filth/ Film as thick Parvati Shallow = Slap with a valor Rebecca Borman = A cancer bombe Cram beer on cab/ Barber can come/ Can race bombe Embrace carbon Stephanie Favor = Hover a fat penis/ Hate penis favo Rapist of heaven/ Of sharp naïveté/ A festive orphan Sundra Oakley = Us royal naked/ Sneak Our Lady/ You drank sale/ Aroused lanky ~Fiji~ Boo Bernis = Bribe soon/ Rinse boob/ So, no bribe/ I bore snob Cassandra Franklin = Crank ass far inland Earl Cole = Cello era Edgardo Rivera = Drive road rage!/ Do arrive ragged Erica Durosseau = Our cause is dea I arouse crusade/ I aroused a curse/ Raised our cause/ I caroused a use I use our arcades/ Readies raucous/ See raucous raid Gary Stritesky = Risky strategy/ I get starry sky James ‘Rocky’ Reed = Airs comedy jerk/ My jokes carried/ I rock Jersey mad/ Joker’s crime day/ I do jerks a mercy/ I scared my joker Liliana Gomez = Gaze a million Lisi Linares = A sillier sin/ Arise in ills/ I sell raisin/ Ill airiness/ Sin, liar lies Rita Verreos = Rarer Soviet/ I save terro Rioters rave/ Overrate, sir Stacy Kimball = May blacklist/ Stick by llama Sylvia Kwan = A wavy slink ~China~ Aaron Reisberger = Ignore bare rears/ Agree on barriers/ Error area begins/ See bargain error Amanda Kimmel = Am like madman/ Manlike madam/ I, naked mammal/ Make a man mild/ Damn, like mama/ Made a milkman Ashley Massaro = Male’s hoary ass/ Am shy as lose Holy Mass areas/ Shame royal ass/ So slam hearsay/ So slays a harem/ Say, harass mole/ As army asshole/ Slay a mass hero/ Am hoarsely, ass Chicken Morris = Irks me chronic Courtney Yates = Yes, coy taunte You sneer catty/ You stay cente You erect, nasty/ You cry neatest/ Eyes at country Dave Cruser = Cursed rave/ Sued crave User craved/ Curved ears Denise Martin = I inserted man Frosti Zernow = First, now zero/ Froze in worst/ Won zero, first/ First row zone/ Front row size/ Tons frowzier Jaime Dugan = A main judge James Clement = Jam select men Leslie Nease = Lease senile/ Less alienee Sherea Lloyd = Yes Lord, heal/ Hell, so ready/ Her, sole lady/ Holy leaders ~Micronesia~ Alexis Jones = Join sex sale/ See jinx also/ One’s jail sex Joel Anderson = No older jeans Kathy Sleckman = The lanky smack Mary Sartain = Marry a saint/ Sanitary arm/ Train as army Mikey Bortone = Be monkey riot/ Bite key moron/ Be key monito Took in my bee I broke my tone/ Obi, key mento Money broke it/ Obey monk rite/ My entire book/ Mine, key robot Natalie Bolton = I’ll beat on a ton/ No, not liable at/ Lone battalion/ Label notation Tracy Hughes-Wolf = Grew flashy touch/ Tough, flashy crew/ What grouchy self ~Gabon~ Ace Gordon = Do no grace/ Ego-cando Cargo done/ Caged-dono Can do ogre Bob Crowley = Blew boo cry Charlie Herschel = Check minor, si Rich smirk once/ Reach chills here Corinne Kaplan = Rankle on panic Gillian Larson = Aligns in a roll/ I’ll nag liars on/ Nails a rolling Kelly Czarnecki = Kneel, lick crazy Ken Hoang = Khan gone Marcus Lehman = Launch me arms/ Calmer, humans/ Rush calm amen Matty Whitmore = Am witty mothe Witty mom-hate Worth it, my mate/ What to my merit Michelle Chase = Clichés heal me Randy Bailey = By a yard-line/ I yearn badly/ Nearby daily/ Lay in by dea I learn by day/ Barely in day/ Already in by Sugar Kipper = I spark purge Susie Smith = Misuse shit/ Use hit-miss ~Tocantins~ Ben Coach Wade = Woe, bad chance/ Hence a bad cow/ Chewed a bacon Erinn Lobdell = I’ll lend bone I’ll end noble Bedroll linen Joe Dowdle = Jewel Dodo J.T. Thomas = Jots math Sandy Burgin = Undying bras/ Bind us angry/ Burning days/ Gun any birds Sierra Reed = Rare desire/ Rise deare As derriere Spencer Duhm = Denser chump/ Spender much/ Drench spume Tyson Apostol = Stops any tool/ Loots any spot/ Slays onto top/ Slop too nasty/ Only stoops at/ Spotty saloon/ Stops at loony ~Samoa~ Betsy Bolan = Stolen baby/ Not sly, babe/ Yes, not blab/ No stable by/ Be only stab/ Let’s ban boy/ Sat by noble/ Sob tenably Brett Clouser = Clutter bores/ Escort butle Bottle curse Butter closer Erik Cardona = A darker icon/ I adore crank/ Reckon a raid Kelly Sharbaugh = Hug shaky balle Harsh, ugly, bleak/ All ask her by hug/ All by huge shark Laura Morett = A true mortal/ Alert, a tumo Am real tuto Late at rumo Rare mulatto/ Rat emulato Turtle aroma Marisa Calihan = Am a liar, cash in/ Hail in mascara/ Malaria chains/ A main air clash/ I charm a snail Mike Borassi = Irksome bias/ I am a kiss-bore/ I rob me a kiss Natalie White = Neat with a lie/ Alienate with/ Await the line Russell Hantz = Shall run zest Russell Swan = Ass runs well/ Runs lawless Shambo Waters = Am the war-boss/ Woe, stab harms/ Bathes so warm/ Bras somewhat/ Hates war mobs/ We harass tomb/ Her wombat ass/A hamster bows Yasmin Giles = Is slaying me/ Is sly enigma/ Sly in image/ Gain messily/ I lay, messing ~Nicaragua~ Alina Wilson = Lawn liaison Brenda Lowe = Down a rebel/ Be a new lord/ Blade owne Earned blow/ We bond real/ Bleed on wa Redone bawl/ Been a world/ Enable word/ Drew a noble/ Lowered ban/ New labored/ Wonder-able Chase Rice = Ace riches/ Rich cease/ Search ice Dan Lembo = Bad lemon/ Be old man/ Blamed on/ Mad noble/ Lame bond/ Bold name Jane Bright = Big jar then Jimmy Tarantino = Majority Tin-Man/ Jam my nitration Kelly Shinn = Hell skinny Marty Piombo = A prim tomboy/ Am prim booty/ Boo my armpit/Am it, prom boy/ May trip, boom! Sash Lenahan = He has annals Tyrone Davis = Dirty as oven/ Invades Troy/ I drove nasty/ No adversity/ Avoids entry/ Yes, torn diva/ I do envy sta Drove sanity/ I vary, stoned/ Done varsity/ Destroy vain/ Vanity doers/ I not very sad/ I stay vendo Noisy advert/ So divert any/ So invert day/ Navy so tired Wendy Jo DeSmidt = My joints wedded Yve Rojas = Joy-save Joy-raves ~ Redemption Island~ Andrea Boehlke = Able naked hero/ Healed on break Ashley Underwood = Woe, unholy dreads/ Now hours delayed David Murphy = Hump diva dry Francesca Hogi = Fears coaching/ Afghani socce A coach’s finge Chains for cage/ Aches of caring/ Forcing a chase/Fingers a coach/ Fiasco change Go if has cance Facing as chore Grant Mattos = Got start, man/ Strong at mat Julie Wolf = I foul jewel Matt Elrod = Old matte Treat mold Mike Chiesl = Like chimes Natalie Tenerelli = Tell neat lie in ea Lie alternate line/ Nettle in a real lie Phillip Sheppard = Helps hard lip-pip Ralph Kiser = Shark peril/ Sharp liker Sarita White = We air shit at/ I, I hate warts/ I was a hitte I, I was threat/ With a satire/ It awaits he Hit a war site/ Air the waist/ I hear a twist/ It’s with area / Wait hastie I hate its war Steve Wright = Swerve tight Stephanie Valencia = Evil satanic peahen/ I can have penalties/ Is a cheap valentine/Achieve in pleasant/ Leviathan sapience/ Nice spatial heaven ~South Pacific~ Albert Destrade = Deserted lab-rat/ Bastard-delete Stable, retarded/ Led bad retreats/ Latest debarred/ Starred belated/ Let bad arrested Dawn Meehan = Had new name/ New headman/ A new mad hen Edna Ma = Anadem/ Maenad/ Mean ad Elyse Umemoto = Me, you stole me/ You meet moles/ Met, you lose me Keith Tollefson = Not kill the foes Mark Caruso = Scour karma/ Sack a rumor Mikayla Wingle = I malign weakly/ I all weak in gym/ Leak my wailing/ Liking lame way/ Gawkily lame in/ I walk in gamely Rick Nelson = Censor-link/ Inner locks/ Liken scorn/ Lock sinner Sophie Clarke = Chase like pro/ Hero pack lies/ A choler spike/ Likes each pro/ Real sick hope Stacey Powell = Select low pay/ We pat closely/ Coleslaw-type Whitney Duncan = I hunt new candy/ New handy tunic ~One World~ Alicia Rosa = A social air Bill Posley = Spoil belly/ Libels ploy/ Lies by poll Chelsea Meissner = I see her calmness/ Means I cheer less/ See, nice, harmless/ See rich maleness / See, silence harms/ She sense miracle/ Relishes menaces Christina Cha = Hatch is in ca Archaic hints/ Has rich antic Colton Cumbie = Boom, nice cult/ Climb out once/ Me not bucolic Jonas Otsuji = Joins a joust Kat Edorsson = Rodeos stank/ Ran so stoked/ Torso’s naked/ Soon darkest / Toss dark one/ Too darkness/ Asked no sort/ No doer’s task/ Rodents soak/ Steaks donor Kim Spradlin = Mild in spark Kourtney Moon = You’re not monk/ Monkey on tou Took money, run/ Unto key moron Leif Manson = Elf mansion/ Inflame son Michael Jefferson = Scoff jail men here Monica Culpepper = Compel pure panic/ Pimp up concealer Sabrina Thompson = Snaps in bathroom Tarzan Smith = Man hits tza This man-tzar Troyzan Robertson = Ran boozy torrents ~Philippines~ Angie Layton = Goat inanely/ Aye, not align/ Not agile any/ Not gay alien/ I leant agony/ A leaning toy Artis Silvester = Resists evil rat/ Arrest, it’s evil/ Satirist revels/ Rarest evil sits/ Realist strives/ Resist set rival/ Lives starriest/ Set liar strives/ Vitals-resister Carter Williams = Alarm, I slit crew/ Camera will sti I will master ca Will tear racism/ I tell racism-wa Tramcar willies/ Call wartime, si I stall war crime/ Calmer liar’s wit/ War’s clear limit/ Crime trail’s law/ Limits a crawle Writes lacrimal Dana Lambert = Named ‘Lab-rat’/ Alert, bad man/ Damnable rat/ Bad maternal/ Am bad rental/ Real tab, damn/ Tear bald man/ Blamed a rant/ Tamable, darn Denise Stapely = Destiny please/ A needless pity/ Despise neatly/ Steady in sleep Katie Hanson = Hit on a snake/ Shake nation Lisa Whelchel = We heal chills Malcolm Freberg = Grab me from cell Michael Skupin = Is human pickle/ A chipmunk lies/ I leak much spin/ Is unlike champ R.C. Saint-Amour = Satanic rumo I scorn trauma/ In a cast-rumo Crams in a tou A rustic mano Am corsair nut/ Can arm suito Courts airman/ Is man-curato Ran custom ai Ration sacrum Roxanne Morris = So annex mirror Sarah Dawson = Now a hard ass/ Had no raw ass/ Has no awards/ Ran as shadow ~Caramoan~ Allie Pohevitz = Hip evil zealot/ I plot vile haze Eddie Fox = Die foxed/ I’d feed ox Hope Driskill = He drops, I kill/ Like lordship/ Killed his pro Matt Bischoff = Bitch’s off mat/ Combat shift Michael Snow = Slow machine/ A clownish me/ I shame clown/ In camel show/ He now claims / Cinema howls/ Chews on mail Reynold Toepfer = Order foe plenty/ Pretend foolery/ Reported felony/ To freely ponde Deploy on ferret/ Eloped for entry/ Order pony fleet/ Poetry enfolder Shamar Thomas = So asthma harm/ Harm a hot mass/ Has trash ammo Sherri Biethman = Me in harsh tribe/ Him in her breast/ Am here in births/ I banish her, term/ I share birth, men/ Rebirth in shame ~Blood vs. Water~ Brad Culpepper = Clapper burped Caleb Bankston = Can’t be so blank/ Slant backbone/ Bacon blankets Hayden Moss = She’s dynamo!/ As shy demon/ Shamed nosy Katie Collins = Lick toenails/ I slacken toil/ Ocean kills it/ Kill a section/ Catlike lions Laura Boneham = A humane labo A lame hour ban/ A hoe ran album/ Aloha, unbar me/ Heal bun-aroma Marissa Peterson = Not a sperm arises/ A sperm assertion/ Am a set prisone Rear-ass nepotism/Armpit’s seasone Arrest me, passion/ Arsonist rapes me/ Is men’s separato Arrest pains me so/ Asserts more pain/ Praise as monste Separates minors/ Passion-streame Mere star passion/ No arteries-spasm/ An opera mistress/ Mean pastor rises/ Aspersion maste Parrot as nemesis/ Tame as prisoners/ A rainstorm seeps Rachel Foulger = Hour, grace fell/ Face log-hurle Flag cruel hero/ Her cougar fell/ Go half-cruele Our charge fell/ Furor hell cage/ Flag hoe-curle For huge recall/ Clog her earful/ Rare cough fell / For huge cellar ~Cagayan~ Brice Johnston = I scorn job then/ Jobs not enrich David Samson = So damn diva/ Void damn ass Garrett Adelstein = Get restraint deal/ Dates tit-enlarge Lasted retreating/ Let Tragedian rest/ Treat red genitals/ Designate rattle Restart a deleting Jeremiah Wood = Hide major woe J’Tia Taylor = Joy at trial Lindsey Ogle = Godly senile/ End silly ego/ Does yelling/ I yelled song/ Long eyelids/ Eyeing dolls/ On edge, silly/ Need go silly/ Only leg dies/ Old sly genie/ Single yodel LJ McKanas = Jams clank Morgan McLeod = Am cold-monge Commander log/ Glad commone Command ogle Gold morn came Trish Hegarty = Hearty rights/ She try aright/ Starry height/ Try high rates Tony Vlachos = Vocal, not shy/ Not sly havoc ~San Juan del Sur~ Alec Christy = Has tricycle/ I trash cycle/ Cliché saty Scarcely hit/ Stray cliché/ Try chalices / Shy at circle/ Teach lyrics Baylor Wilson = I slay lowborn/ So lowly brain Dale Wentworth = At the new world/ Threw a letdown/ World went hate/ Drew not wealth/ Let down the wa We worth dental Drew Christy = Hit, screw dry/ Is dry wretch/ Screwy third/ Switch dryer Josh Canfield = Child of jeans Missy Payne = Say my penis/ Yes, I spy, man/ My easy spin/ Yes, main spy Natalie Anderson = Ends an alienato An anal desertion Wes Nale = New sale/ See lawn ~Worlds Apart~ Carolyn Rivera = Carry in a love Carry novel air Dan Foley = Only deaf/ Day-felon/ Yodel fan Hali Ford = Hold fai Fold hair Joaquin Souberbielle = Job be a queer illusion/ I one jealous quibbler Kelly Remington = Enemy troll king/ Kill ten gory men/ Not grill my knee Lindsey Cascaddan = Dances as candidly/ I access dandy land Max Dawson = Was damn ox Mike Holloway = Lame wily hook Nina Poersch = Penis ancho Crash in open/ Nice orphans/ Shine on crap/ China person Rodney LaVoie = A looney drive/ I do yearn love/ I lay overdone/ I loony evade Rely on a video Sierra Thomas = I am star horse/ Is a smart hero/ Am so trashie A hermit soars/ Riot harass me/ Hear as I storm/ Her aroma sits/ A riot smashe Air harms toes/ Roar, hiss at me/ Air some trash Tyler Fredrickson = Drink for secretly/ Lends for trickery/ Fry closet drinke Escort fly drinker Vince Sly = Sync evil Will Simpson = Won slim lips
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